Wednesday August 31, 2005 Time passes

Time is so long when you are young. An hour can be an eternity. A day can be a series of great adventures. A week, a month, a summer, a school year can be so far in the future that a young child will not even stop to consider them. Looking forward, time stretches out forever until you're an old person of maybe 30.

Time is so short when you get older. It's funny how the term “old” takes on different meaning as you get older. Old used to be 30 then 40 and seemed to move up decade by decade. When you know that you are looking back on more than you have to look forward to, you are on the downward slide. Years fly by. Decades may be hard to crystallize in your thoughts looking back. The past is so full of memories that crowd in upon one another that you have a hard time distinguishing the time line of events.

Suddenly the summer is over and you face another winter. All the best plans of all that you were hoping to accomplish will have to wait for another time. It's not sad to see the seasons and years pass by so quickly. You get comfortable with yourself and your surroundings and you have your friends and family and you have your memories that you built back when time was unending and stretched out forever.

If you're fortunate, you didn't waste too much of your youth and enjoyed each day as it passed. It doesn't take much to notice just one thing each day that makes that day different from all the others.

Tuesday August 30, 2005 Another thought entirely

A long, long time ago, in the middle of a divorce, I had to rethink my priorities and replan my life. I had to analyze myself and determine what was really important for the rest of my life. I was very low at that point. I had lost my wife, my children, my home and all that I had been working for prior to then. I needed to refocus.

After much soul-searching I determined that there were several core elements in my life which would not change. You always will have your family, if you work to keep that bond alive. Friends come and go and life changes many aspects of our lives, but family is always there to care for and care about. I also determined that “things” acquired throughout your life don't really matter. You accumulate many “things” during your life and eventually have to discard most of them. They really didn't matter. They gave you temporary happiness that soon disappeared. What really gave me the most satisfaction was to bring joy into someone else's life. When they had joy, I had joy. The memories of the joy you give sustain you. Those memories won't be discarded. They are treasures you can enjoy the rest of your life. When you give joy, you are really giving of yourself and you create a link between yourself and someone else. People like to share joy – they are just afraid of being taken advantage of or or “owing” a payback favor. When I try to bring happiness to someone else, I make sure that they understand that there are no strings attached. I give freely and expect nothing. My reward is in making someone happy.

Unfortunately, this isn't true for all people. Some people only feel happy when they “win”. Winning for them may be acquiring wealth, or strength, or power. If they only could realize that wealth and strength and power fade away with the years. All you end up with is memories. Happy memories and friends and family make life worthwhile.

I didn't try to amass wealth. I set out to love and protect and care for my family (daughters, parents, sisters and brothers, aunts and uncles, cousins, etc). Over the years, I feel that we have all shared much joy and our relationships are strong and loving. It turned out that I lost what I had been working for but found much more. I have many great memories.

Tuesday August 30, 2005 The Rich get richer.

While we spend Billions on an unneeded war and throw Billions into pork-barrel projects and reduce taxes for the super-wealthy, look what happens to millions of our fellow citizens. The rich do get richer and poverty spreads. Think about this the next time you hear about tax cuts for the wealthy. Is this what we are about?

You read stuff like the following and it makes you mad. Where are our values and priorities? Obviously, they aren't where I believe they should be.

Associated Press

WASHINGTON - The nation's poverty rate rose to 12.7 percent of the population last year, the fourth consecutive annual increase, the Census Bureau said Tuesday.

The percentage of people without health insurance did not change.
Overall, there were 37 million people living in poverty, up 1.1 million people from 2003.
The number of people without health insurance grew from 45 million to 45.8 million.
Regionally, income declined only in the Midwest, down 2.8 percent.

Tim Smeeding, an economics professor at the Maxwell School of Syracuse University, says the nation has experienced a shift from earnings income to capital income and capital gains, which aren't reflected in the Census Bureau's latest numbers.

"Most of that growth in the economy over the last couple of years has gone to higher income people and has taken the form of capital income - interest, rents, dividends," Smeeding said.


From the Kansas City Star:

It was standing room only Monday in Truman Medical Center’s financial counseling center as the main health provider for the area’s poor made cuts in services.

The changes include the elimination of the hospital’s prescription assistance program and the requirement that nonemergency patients who live outside Kansas City or Jackson County make a down payment on their anticipated bill and commit to paying the balance. And Truman eliminated dental services at its Lakewood facility for adult patients who lack dental coverage, unless they work out a payment plan in advance.

And it’s possible the counseling center will become more hectic as cuts in Missouri Medicaid take effect Thursday, said Shelly Phinney, corporate manager of Truman’s financial counseling center.

More than 300,000 Missourians are expected to be affected by those changes, which include the elimination of adult dental coverage, a reduction in rehabilitation services and changes in Medicaid coverage for children.

Friday August 26, 2005 The news says it all

I can't help it. The war in Iraq is constantly on the TV, radio, internet and in the newspaper. It's really getting me down. Excuse me if I vent some of my frustrations here in this blog. It just provides an outlet for some of the thoughts rolling around in my mind.


The news says it all. Did we liberate the people or did we just try to liberate the oil? Are we liberators or occupiers? How badly do the people in that area want us to be there? Was it worth all the effort? How long will we stay and how many more lives will it cost?

“Saddam's family announced in Jordan on Aug. 8 that they had dismissed the 1,500-member Arab and Western defense team. Saddam Hussein has fired his legal defense team except for an Iraqi attorney who is the only person authorized to represent him, a court said Wednesday. On Friday, thousands of protesters in Baquba north of Baghdad took to the streets in support of deposed dictator Saddam Hussein, who now awaits trial in jail.”

“Sunnis, loudly denouncing the constitution, could block it with a two-thirds "No" vote in three of Iraq's 18 provinces, ruining U.S. plans for Iraq's future.”

“Although the talking continues, Sunni leaders have already began mobilizing their community in central and western Iraq to vote against the charter. “

“Insurgents sabotaged an exporting oil well on Friday, stepping up pressure on the U.S.-backed government facing a relentless Sunni-led insurgency. “

“In a familiar scene in a country with the world's third largest oil reserves, flames threatened to halt output from the well, which pumps 7,000 to 10,000 barrels per day and feeds a pipeline to Turkey. “

“Some Shi'ites, notably the young and influential cleric Moqtada al-Sadr, have joined Sunnis against the charter and deadly clashes on Wednesday night between his Mehdi Army militia and pro-government Shi'ite groups fueled to the tensions. “

“Bush has been insistent that Iraqis stick to a timetable for democracy set down under U.S. supervision last year, as part of an overall plan to reduce U.S. troop numbers in Iraq where they face a relentless Sunni-led insurgency. “

“As the calls for setting a deadline to withdraw US troops from Iraq grow louder a top American army general said in an interview that the army is planning for the possibility of keeping the current number of soldiers in Iraq — well over 100,000 — for four more years. “

“Uzbekistan on Friday put further pressure on the United States to withdraw troops from an air base near the Afghan border with a parliamentary vote demanding that the American military go home. “

When you put it all together, it seems like we will be going around in circles without ever getting anywhere for years to come. It was a noble thought to bring capitalism and some form of democracy to other areas of the world, but they just might not want our form of government or our type of society. Are we just ramming our ideals down their throats?

Saturday August 20, 2005 Mistake

He still won't admit a mistake.

It's inconceivable that he still holds to his original thought that this war is a good thing to do. Each additional step we take in the muck sinks us deeper. If we don't admit that we took a bad step in the wrong direction, then we'll continue onward further and further into the mire. We need to look about us to see that we are indeed going in the wrong direction and change course.

You need a leader big enough to admit that we made a misstep who will lead us out.

The trouble is we know that our leader is probably a good man and hopefully didn't lead us in the wrong direction on purpose. The troops keep following him blindly and we keep losing our boys to death and dismemberment. What does it take to see the light?

We know now that there were NO weapons of mass destruction. We know now that
al-qaida wasn't based in Iraq and that Saddam had no connections with al-qaida. He was no threat to the United States. Most of the insurgents in Iraq that are killing our boys are coming in from other countries. The Arabs now look at us occupiers, not liberators. We are building bases and maintaining forces and apparently plan on doing so for many years to come. Our presence aids in the terrorist's recruitment.

Osama came out of Saudi-Arabia and operated out of Afghanistan. The hijackers were from Saudi-Arabia. We have not yet captured Osama, even though we have had years and millions of man hours to do so. Somewhere along the line our priorities got mixed up and we lost our focus. We keep talking about terrorists and Iraq in the same breath, but we created the situation there. The terrorists that we need to find are somewhere else.

Iraq was a mistake. Let's go after Osama.

Thursday August 18, 2005 Relief is in the air

My home air conditioner was on the fritz over the weekend and couldn't be attended to until Monday. Luckily, a cool front came through and it stayed in the high 70s and low 80s outside. My house is really set up to hold the heat or cool. While it was cool outside, inside it was 10-20 degrees warmer. I had to really work at raising a few windows/storms/screens that hadn't been opened in many a year. But with floor fans and open windows, it was tolerable. Now that the air conditioning is fixed, I realize how spoiled I have become. When I was a kid I could run and play anytime of the year and never even notice the weather. Now that I'm older and wiser, my body has adapted to conditioned air and lets me know when it's too hot or too cold to go outside. Today it was 95 and very steamy outside but comfortably cool inside. I like it!
There's nothing wrong with being spoiled, is there?

I'm ready for fall now. It can come any time now.

I heard from one of my cousins in Minnesota today and she mentioned that fall is in the air already up there. They have very short seasons except for winter - it lasts a long time. They really seem to enjoy winter and snow and ice. Once it comes, it stays - none of the slush and salt that we end up with down here. Up there you can really use skis or snowmobiles or ice houses on the lakes. Here you just slush along and wait for spring rains and mud. Oh well, no place can be perfect. I'll just sit back and enjoy my conditioned air and see what the seasons bring.

Saturday, August 13, 2005 Daughters

I need to tell the world about my daughters. I have two daughters, each different and each wonderful in her own right. I have so much pride in these two women and who they have become, that words fail me. My life has been enhanced and improved just by their presence and their love.

Deborah inspires me. She has the intelligence and ability to deal with just about any problem that comes her way. She cares deeply about the world and the people around her and has always had a difficult time dealing with careless and stupid people. She has overcome that difficulty and now knows how to work with people who don't understand. She is able to bring out the best in most of those around her. She has quick wit and quick understanding – she will often anticipate the end of your sentence before you get there. She is a beautiful person, inside and out. She is loyal and faithful and true. She is a very real person and is exactly who she presents herself to be. She is truthful but won't hit you over the head with the truth. There is no vindictiveness in her. What a wonderful person to have as a friend and daughter!

Beth is my younger daughter. She has always struggled in the shadow of her outgoing older sister. She is shy, but loving. She tends to denigrate herself, when actually she has a great deal of intelligence and understanding. She is kind and really cares about the people she has accepted into her life. At times, she seems amazed when she shows her intelligence or her poise and people look to her with admiration. Slowly, she is developing pride in herself and her accomplishments. Someday, she will have to acknowledge, as I do, that she is a wonderful person and deserves the best in life. Everyone who meets her, loves her. She also has learned much about herself and her feelings over the years and is a real person without airs. She is my friend.

I love my daughters and I am so proud of who they have become. I look forward to sharing their friendship in the years to come.

Friday August 12, 2005 What, no air conditioning?!

I remember my childhood days before home air conditioners were available. It was all you could do just to lie about and not get hot. You would run through the sprinkler in the backyard or you would soak in a tub of cool water. You would have every window and door in the house open (all with screens, of course) and you would sit in front of a fan if at all possible. At night, we would sometimes sleep out on the front porch after it got dark - it was cooler. Later, we got some window fans and dad put in a big attic fan that would blow the hot air out and the curtains would stand straight out from the windows letting in the cooler night air. One summer, when it stayed above 100 for days, we got a large block of ice and put it in a bucket in front of a floor fan and just sat there letting the cool moist air brush across us.

What brought this to mind is the fact that my home air conditioner seems to be taking a vacation right now. Yesterday when it got to be 100 outside, it got to be 85 inside. This morning it was 77 outside and 80 inside. The air conditioner has been running full blast without having any effect. I've called for help, but it will be several days. I'll just have to pray for rain or go for long drives in an air conditioned car. It's amazing how spoiled we have become. We have made our homes so airtight and buttoned up to help hold in the cool or heat that we don't have the screens or fans that we used to have. I could run through the sprinkler, but I would feel a bit silly at my age. If I sat in a cold bucket, it would be just my luck to get stuck - not a pretty picture.

With the house sealed up, you lose the sounds and feel of summer. I remember the crickets and the locusts. Remember the lightening bugs? You could hear the summer wind through the trees and you could smell the freshly cut grass. The earth was warm, but the grass was soft. Now we shut those senses off as we button down and turn on the air conditioner. Now all you hear is the sound of the furnace fan or the refrigerator or the television blaring. You gain the cool but you give up some part of living with nature.

Come winter, this will seem like a silly thing to have worried about as we wrap ourselves up in another blanket to keep warm.

Tuesday August 9, 2005 Dog Days

I'm sitting here in my kitchen looking out on the parched earth where once I had a lush lawn. The digital thermometer reads 99.9 degrees F and my central air is having a hard time getting the internal temperature down below the 80s. These must be the dog days of summer that everyone refers to. Fortunately, here in the midwest, when the temperature goes up so does the humidity so the news keeps broadcasting the Heat Index. That really helps me feel better knowing that the heat index will fry your brain in a much shorter time today. One good thing about the heat and humidity - it keeps the tornadoes and floods at bay. Nothing much moves when it gets this hot. Even the parched leaves on the trees hang limply waiting for a refreshing breeze. Maybe my daughter, who lives in New Mexico, is right. She tells me that even when it gets in the 90s and 100s, it's really not so hot because the humidity is so low. The only trouble with that is that you won't notice that you are baking in a slow oven - here you know it and you tend to duck and cover. I guess I'll just have to spend a lovely summer down in the desert someday to see how cool it really is. Come to think about it, all the cowboys used to wear hats and vests, even in the summer. It must have been cooler. I do know that you have to wear heavy clothes up north even in the summer to protect you from the mosquitos. The mosquitos in Minnesota come out at night with flashlights looking for fresh blood. Here in the midwest we only have ticks who hang out in the shade of low bushes waiting for you to stumble through.

I suppose every place has its own problems to deal with and there is no perfect place to live. There may be a perfect place to live, but the folks there are keeping it a secret so the rest of us won't invade. Sip an iced tea, stay in the shade and look forward to the frigid, barren landscape of Winter - but be optimistic.

Saturday August 6, 2005 Golden Anniversaries

I guess I'm from another time, somehow transported into this space and time. This weekend my sister and her husband are celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. While reviewing family pictures, I came across announcements when my parents celebrated their golden wedding anniversary and when my grandparents celebrated their golden wedding anniversary.
I worked for the same company for over 30 years and lived in the same community all my life.
You used to make commitments to your mate, your family, your workplace and your community and then you followed through and gave them your loyalty. They all expected to do the same for you and the world was a safe and secure world.

I believed the scout motto - trustworthy, loyal, helpful, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverant. Great ideals to guide you through life.

Now we seem to live in a world of broken contracts. Everyone seems ready to break away at the slightest hint of misfortune or trouble. There is no loyalty, it's every person for themselves. Sue thy brother before he sues you. Don't trust anyone. Suspect everyone.

I liked the other world better. It's hard to be selfish. You have to surround yourself with walls and barriers to keep out the offenders and you find that you have built your own cage.

Perhaps that's why I enjoy going out into the mountains. The natural beauty and the timelessness inspire you. The pettiness of men and societies fades away when you become another rock on the mountain. You sit and observe the trees, sky, clouds, listen to the wind and the mountain stream. You breathe clean sweet air and let your untroubled mind wander.
Deep in the mountains, there is no polution, no lasting monuments to man's follies. Time, weather and the mountains eventually reclaim all items left behind.

I celebrate the good luck of those who survive these times and are able to share their lives with someone else without building cages. It seems to be a rare thing to happen these days.

Monday August 1, 2005 It's hard to get in gear

Okay, so I've been back from vacation for over a week and I still haven't blogged my thoughts. It's hard to get back in gear after being on vacation. You have to really concentrate and find your rhythm all over again. The thing about vacations is that I don't watch television or read newpapers or listen to radio. The world seems to get along without me very well and I find the inner anger and frustration diminishing while I become comfortable with the natural world. The sun rises and the sun sets, the mountains are as they have always been and the wind blows sweet and clean.

Now that I've been back for a bit and started reading and watching, the anger is creeping back in - and I know that there isn't a whole lot I can do about it. Mankind seems to always want to dominate and control the weaker and less organized peoples. Bullys persist and those in power have learned how to wield a powerful club. It disappoints me that in the "game" of politics, the voters seem to lack the power that they once held. Now it's the special interests with the big bucks who can control the airwaves and buy the elections. We have the best congress that money can buy and they have been paying back their benefactors nicely. You and I have very little clout and very little say so in what transpires. The rich get richer and you and I seem to be stuck in a rut. Now that the manufacturing jobs have gone overseas and now that our service industry is losing its best paying jobs overseas and now that our unions are the weakest they have ever been it looks like the future for the average citizen of the USA is fading into bleak.

But then maybe I need to go on vacation again and get a fresh perspective.

Friday July 22, 2005 Accumulations

I just got back from vacation. It's amazing how much stuff accumulates while you are gone. I stopped the newspaper, but the post office saved a sack of junk mail for me. I had pages of email to sort through. I've got a suitcase full of dirty clothes and a whole list of catch-up duties around the house. I really enjoy vacations and I really enjoy coming back home, but I don't like the aftermath. It will take several days of catch up to get back to normal. Meanwhile, it's been hot (real hot) around here. Luckily the grass didn't grow much so I can wait a few days before cutting it. I did find some sour milk in the refrigerator and old slimy brown lettuce (not fun). The world seemed to continue to do its nasties while I was away, so I didn't miss any of that. Now I can look forward to the rest of a very hot summer with salads and fresh fruit and hopefully an occasional thunderstorm. Hot steamy days, cool lakes, huge shady trees, picnics, starry nights - all the fun things to remember about summer. Time to sit back and relax and prop your feet up.

Saturday July 2, 2005 Honor the troops

Honor the brave patriots who are putting their lives on the line each day in Iraq because their country asked them to do so. There is no question that they are patriots and that they are doing their best to perform their duty. The brave soldiers who have sacrificed everything they had should be honored. They were asked to perform and they did their best.

The war that took these brave people from us is in question, not the action of the soldiers. We were attacked on September 11, 2001 by terrorists from Saudi Arabia who were based in Afghanistan. There was no link between these terrorists and Iraq. There were no weapons of mass destruction, just as the United Nation inspectors said. There was no imminent danger to the United States from Iraq. There was danger and there still is danger from Osama Bin Laden and his group of terrorists, but invading Iraq has not diminished that. Our leadership appears to have contrived this invasion and the resulting occupation for some unexplained reason.

Our brave soldiers deserve to know the truth and the real reason why they are asked to fight and die over in Iraq. The reasons we have been told have been shown to be wrong and yet there has been no apology or other explanation for our actions. We invaded another sovereign country on false pretenses and are now occupying that country with troops. It would appear that we must have an ulterior motive for doing this and yet our leaders tell us nothing other than it is a good thing that we removed their leader. Perhaps that same justification could be used against us. If another country doesn't like the leader of a country, do they have a right to invade and remove that leader? Why don't we do that in Iran or North Korea or Sudan or Libya or Liberia or in any of hundreds of other countries that don't agree with us? Are we just the biggest bully on the block right now and willing to force everyone else to do things our way or else? That's not what we are about. That's not why we fought for our independence. Somewhere along the line, we have taken on the role of Earth's policeman and that isn't what we should be about. If we take this attitude of “Convert or Die”, we aren't much better than other empires and tyrants that have come and gone before us.

On the other hand, if we conclude our operation swiftly and turn their nation back over to them and get our troops out, we may be showing a different face than what we are showing right now. We'll see if this was about getting rid of Saddam and freeing the people or if it was about controlling the oil. I don't see us rushing into Iran or North Korea to free the people, but maybe their rulers aren't as bad or their countries don't offer the same resources.

Wednesday June 29, 2005 Another speech

I try to keep an open mind about many things, but I fail to see the justification for invading and occupying Iraq. Last night President Bush kept tying our invasion of Iraq to the terrorist attacks of 2001. He failed to say anything about the weapons of mass destruction (which was supposedly the imminent reason for the invasion). Since Osama is from Saudi Arabia and most of the terrorists who flew the planes were Saudi Arabia, doesn't it make perfect sense that we retaliate by invading Iraq? Meanwhile, Osama has admitted that he planned and had the attacks carried out and we (being the most powerful nation on earth) haven't been able to catch him for almost 5 years now. We seem perfectly willing to spend the blood of our boys and the blood of innocent Iraqis for some unexplained reason. I want to know exactly why we felt the need to invade Iraq - was it for revenge? - was it for the oil? - was it to satisfy our industrial/military complex? I get the sinking feeling that it has to do with oil and that we plan on keeping bases over there for many years (to help keep the peace) (to protect the oil).

Meanwhile, Congressman Cleaver from Kansas City said that those controlling the government are manufacturing contrived distractions to divert people's attention from real threats. He said the real threat to our nation right now is the federal debt. He says that our country is borrowing heavily from China, South Korea and Japan. It makes this nation more financially and politically dependent on outside interests. We're losing our manufacturing base - the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer. The wealth of the nation is shifting faster and faster to the rich and powerful and the individual finds himself with less and less.

Could the war be a distraction? We keep saying that we must follow our leader during time of war, even if the war was created by him. Our attention and the news coverage is all directed toward Iraq and the subtle internal changes taking place withou our system get less press and often unnoticed. That would be a cruel trick.

Friday June 24, 2005 witty sayings

It's difficult to find something witty to say every day. On those difficult days, you might call me a half wit - or maybe a quarter wit - or nit wit. This appears to be one of those days, my friend. It seems they'll never end. Sayings and bits of songs come wafting through my brain, but nothing seems to linger. It's one of those lazy crazy daze of summer. Nothing much to say today, but I wish the world could have just one day of peace and quiet - just one day when every mind could drift through the day like mine is doing, without a worry in the world. Wouldn't it be great if we could get all the people on earth to just have one day with no quarrels or fights. No arguments, no taking sides, just lying back and being agreeable. It'll never happen, but if it could - wouldn't that be a great example to us all of what could happen.

Monday June 20, 2005 Did you see me?

My father asked my grandson if he had done something wrong and my grandson responded "Did you see me?". In his mind, if you weren't seen then you weren't caught and if you weren't caught then you didn't do anything wrong.

Unfortunately, most of us have carried this concept forward into our adult lives. If we exceed the speed limit and don't get caught then we aren't lawbreakers. If we cheat just a little on our income taxes and don't get caught, it's okay. If we find something of value that wasn't ours and no one sees us, it's all right to keep it. If the clerk undercharges us, it's all right to keep the change. As long as you don't get caught, you are still a good person.

If you start slipping away from what is truly right, it becomes easier to repeat the next time. You can justify lying and cheating in your mind, especially if you never get caught. It becomes almost a game. There is a risk/reward element that plays with your mind each time you try. The ultimate result is that you cheat yourself. You find you didn't NEED to lie and cheat - you just enjoyed the thrill of getting away with something wrong. You lose some of your self respect and become less of a person than you know you could be.

The more you can resist the temptation to cheat "just a little", the stonger you become. You develop pride in yourself. You did good, even if no one was watching.

Sunday June 19, 2005 Two thoughts

One.
I've had my own computer(s) for over 20 years now. I've been involved in writing programs and using many programs already written. I've been a cad/cam operator and helped instruct many people in how to use various programs. The main thing I have learned by helping other people is to show them WHAT you can do with the program and then HOW to do it. Too often, people say “which button did you push and why did you push it?” They get too wrapped up in the details of HOW before they know WHAT they are doing. I tell them not to watch my hands but to watch the screen and see what the program does. After they see what can be done, then they can spend the time to learn all the details of how to do it. It is much like teaching a youngster how to drive – there are so many details to pick up on that sometimes their attention is diverted from the main purpose of being aware of where they are going.

When I am first introduced to a new program, I want to know what I can expect this program to do before I devote the time to learning how to do it. If the program doesn't accomplish what I want it to do, then there is no point in proceeding further. This approach works well for the student as well as the instructor. For a really involved program, I prefer to become adept at the basic operation before delving deeper into the other bells and whistles available. If the basic operation isn't friendly or doesn't produce what I am looking for, then there is no use in trying any further tricks to dress it up.

Two.
When I was in grade school, we had a principal who had the whole school learn problem solving by writing out the problem, writing down “to find:” then listing what answer we were searching for and then writing down “to solve:” then performing the operation of solving the problem. It was tedious at times, but it lingered with me the rest of my life. Before jumping in to solve a problem, make sure just what you are looking for and then find the best way to get that answer. In this manner you won't get lost along the way to finding the solution to your problem. Actually, it makes a lot of sense to apply this to your whole life – if you don't know what you are looking for, you'll never know how to find it.

Saturday June 18, 2005 Special days

I'm a grandfather now and I know that I should be way beyond the excitement of Christmas and birthdays and father's days and such, but inside I guess I'm still a little boy who marvels at the attention and the toys.

It shouldn't matter any more and there isn't much that I can't buy for myself, but it's the thought and the love expressed that comes across at these times. If you take the excitement out of special days then they become just ordinary days to be forgotten with the multitude, but if you add just a touch of love and remembrance it makes the day memorable and you can relish the memory whenever you feel a bit low. I always loved to see my folks faces light up when I gave them something special. I realize now that anything that I gave them would have been special – it would have been a sharing of love and attention just for them.

Older folks who live beyond their contemporaries and who have no family feel left alone and these special days often bring remorse and despair. They have no one to tell them that they are remembered and loved. The little boy or little girl in each of them need this more than you can know.

When you have left most of your life behind, you look forward to the simple pleasures. It's nice to be remembered and to know that someone out there really cares.

Friday June 17. 2005 Another day

Another day, another dollar - or so the old saying goes.

There actually was a time when men would work for a dollar a day. Inflation must not have been a problem back then. Back then, a penney saved was a penney earned (and a penney amounted to something). My grandfather came over to America in the 1880s and after finishing 4th grade, went to work in a packing plant for 5 cents an hour. Do you wonder why the child labor laws were enacted? Later he was given a man-size job for 10 cents an hour. You worked at least 10 hours a day for 6 days a week with no overtime. So you really did make a dollar a day. You walked to work and you had no leisure time so you didn't have much on which to spend the money you didn't have. There were no movies or radio or television to watch back then - but that was good because there was no electricity either. There were no automobiles, so there there weren't any shopping malls or fast food places to drive to. Since there wasn't any electricity, you cooled your food with an ice box and you used gas lights. Life was simpler? I guess you were too tired to really care about anything else but keeping food on the table and a place to live. Except on Sunday, when you and the whole family had a whole day off. You can bet they didn't fool around with cutting the grass - they didn't really care about having lawns. Sunday was a day to walk in the park ad breathe the fresh air. Life really was simpler on Sunday. You worked hard and didn't get to play much, but you tried your best and tried to build a future for your kids.

But that was long ago and another time. Now we are so concentrated on consuming and enjoying the moment, we often forget to build a future. You really need a bit of both. It's good to enjoy the life you are living and its good to build for the future. The trick is to balance the present wants with the future needs. The good old days were not really all that great - they were just different. We squander a lot more these days - I'm not sure that this is better.

Another day, another hundred dollars.

Where is the outrage?

Where is the outrage?

Where is the anger?

There should be a swelling of protests and marches! We have been duped and lied to.
When Bill Clinton lied to us we set up a special commission to investigate and ultimately brought him to impeachment. When Richard Nixon lied to us, he ultimately had to resign in disgrace. Now that George has had his war and we find out that he intended to have this war from the very beginning of his presidency, why aren't we doing something about it? We have lost 1600 american boys lives and thousands of Iraqi's lives. We spent Billions of dollars and we have not made the world a safer place. We have stirred up bitterness and hatred against us. The reasons for this war as presented to us were that Saddam was evil and had weapons of mass destruction and that the danger was imminent. They lied to us! Saddam was no worse of a threat to us than the leader of North Korea or Iran. There was no reason not to continue to negotiate instead of throwing away all those lives. Why did we go to war in Iraq? Was it for the oil? Why did George and his minions feel the need to do this?

This from CBS news today:
"The Bush Administration began making plans for an invasion of Iraq, including the use of American troops, within days of President Bush's inauguration in January of 2001 -- not eight months later after the 9/11 attacks, as has been previously reported. That's what former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill says in his first interview about his time as a White House insider. O'Neill talks to CBS News Correspondent Lesley Stahl in the interview, to be broadcast on 60 Minutes, Sunday, Jan. 11 at 7 p.m. ET/PT. "From the very beginning, there was a conviction that Saddam Hussein was a bad person and that he needed to go," he tells Stahl. "For me, the notion of pre-emption, that the U.S. has the unilateral right to do whatever we decide to do is a really huge leap."

The stories are rolling out on the O'Neill book. Now from CNN:
"Suskind cited a Pentagon document titled "Foreign Suitors For Iraqi Oilfield Contracts," which, he said, outlines areas of oil exploration. "It talks about contractors around the world from ... 30, 40 countries and which ones have what intentions on oil in Iraq." In the book, O'Neill is quoted as saying he was surprised that no one in a National Security Council meeting asked why Iraq should be invaded. "It was all about finding a way to do it. That was the tone of it. The president saying 'Go find me a way to do this,'" O'Neill said.

Let's consider an item from the news of about two weeks ago:
A British citizen leaked a memo to London's Sunday Times. The memo was of the written account of a meeting that a man named Richard Dearlove had with the Bush administration in July 2002. Dearlove was the head of the England's MI-6, the equivalent of the CIA. On July 23, 2002, Dearlove briefed Tony Blair about the meeting. He said that Bush was determined to attack Iraq. He said that Bush knew that U.S. intelligence had no evidence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and no links to foreign terrorists, that there was no imminent danger to the U.S. from Iraq. But, since Bush was determined to go to war, "Intelligence and facts are being fixed around the policy." "Fixed" means faked, manufactured, conjured, hyped - the product of whole cloth fabrication.So we got aluminum tubes, mushroom clouds imported from Niger, biological weapons labs in weather trucks, fear and trembling, the phony ultimatums to Saddam Hussein to turn over the weapons he didn't have and thus couldn't. We got the call to arms, the stifling of dissent, the parade of retired generals strategizing on the "news" shows, with us or against us, flags in the lapel, a craven media afraid to look for a truth that might disturb their corporate owners who would profit from the war. Shock and Awe. Fallujah. Abu Ghraib.It was all a lie. Many of us have said for a long time it was a lie. But here it is in black and white: Lies from a president who has taken a sacred trust to uphold the Constitution of the United States.

Richard Nixon was investigated for a cover-up of a two-bit break-in. William Cohen, a young Maine Republican, played an important role for the prosecution in those proceedings. Bill Clinton was impeached for lying about sex with an intern. Now we have the irrefutable evidence that George W. Bush lied about the reasons for taking the United States to war. The intelligence wasn't flawed. The weapons weren't hidden. Our elected leaders were lying.

Our leaders say: "Trust me. Would I lie to you?".

Missouri spring flowers 

Tuesday June 13, 2005 Attitude

Work can be a drag or it can be a wonderfully satisfying career.

It's more of an attitude toward work than the work itself that makes a difference.
Once you figure out that you really need to work in order to survive and you have found the best job available to you at this moment, then you need to make an adjustment in attitude and start enjoying what you have to do. At that very moment, you are where you have chosen to be because of circumstances. If not, make another choice. Life doesn't take you kicking and dragging into these situations, YOU make the choices. If another choice is not available at this time, make the most of what life has given you and try to be happy.

Of couse you could just stay grouchy and complain a lot and see what kind of life that brings to you.

Thursday June 9, 2005 Power failure

Last night I had a power failure from 9 PM till afternoon today - powerful storms passing through. When you're sitting there in the dark without a surrounding sound and without a llight to guide you, you tend to let your mind wander. No distractions, no fill-ins to waste your time. Perhaps we all need a power failure at one time or another in our lives to refocus. We seem to drift forward in our lives, generally following a direction we think we want to go.

Each decision you make in life can be compared to a "Y" in the road you are following through life. You choose to the best of your abilities, with advice from others or following a road map, which way to go. Once you have made that decision, you are now following a new road. There are no "wrong" decisions - there are just decisions to be made at various junctions of your life. Those decisions you made in the past have brought you to this point in life and made you the person you are today. The road ahead is clear and uncluttered and you are free to choose which way to go from here forward. As long as you go forward with your eyes wide open, making your own choices, you'll get somewhere close to where you want to go. Just make sure you are following your path and not someone else's.

Wednesday June 8, 2005 Simple observations

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the details that we forget to step back and look at the greater picture. It's like driving to work without looking around and seeing the natural beauty that we're passing through. You don't see the forest for the trees. It's been that way for me through the winter. I wanted so much to just get through the cold and grey days and get to the warmth and gentle breezes and green of spring that I let months go by without really seeing what surrounded me every day. I wished away a portion of my life and I'll never get those days back. Life is so short and passes by so quickly that you can lose days, months, years and even decades while you are focusing on the details. I know, for I have done exactly that. There have been times in my life when I lived for the moment and thoroughly enjoyed each and every day and those memories are sweet, but there have been years where I just existed and let life pass me by unnoticed. You can't unspill the milk. You just have to attempt to not let those mistakes repeat. Before you know it, you reach the end of the line and if you didn't notice what you passed through, it's your own fault.

Monday June 6, 2005 Our government, Our employees

In this era of corporate america we sometimes lose sight of the fact that our government works for US, not the other way around. We were not hired by them - they are our employees. Our government employees perform functions for us that we prefer not to do ourselves. We reward dangerous duty, such as policework or armed forces, and hazardous work, such as firemen, with pension plans and early retirement rewards. This is right, for they are performing work for us that we prefer not to do ourselves. When our employees do not perform in accordance with our requirements, we have the right to fire them and hire new employees. We are fair about it and give them a period of years in each new contract.

Sometimes our employees forget who’s business their running. They sometimes feel that it’s their business and we don’t have rights. That is completely wrong! WE,THE PEOPLE, have established and ordained a constitution and a government to provide for the general welfare of US. WE set up the government. WE set of the court system. This is OUR country. It shouldn’t belong to the special interests unless we all agree to it. Our legislators should be looking out for the health and welfare of their constituents, not for their donors that helped pay for their elections. We should not have a government bought and paid for by the wealthy and directed by special business interests. This should be OUR government watching out for US!

With all this in mind, I wonder why we in the United States pay more for drugs and health care than the rest of the world. With all this is mind, I wonder why we in the United States don’t have universal health care. With all this in mind, I wonder why we in the United States pay more to maintain a huge military industrial complex than we do for education of our next generation. It seems that our government has slipped away from us and is not doing the job they were hired to do. There are other interests directing our government officials away from the common good. It seems to have happened gradually and I’m sure that most of our officials never intended for this to happen, but they find themselves owing favors to contributors and “friends” who helped them finance their elections. They now feel that it is THEIR government and that we are just nuisances that must be put up with while they negotiate their way around Washington.

I hope that someday WE, THE PEOPLE, will wake up and see what is happening and look to hire new employees and find some way to keep OUR government out of hands of all the special interests.

Friday June 3, 2005 Stupid Cleaning!

When you clean one thing, it makes the next thing seem dirty and before you know what you're doing you've taken on cleaning the whole darn area. I just wanted to clean out a file cabinet and get rid of things piled up on it. Once the file cabinet was clean it made the adjoining desk look unorganized. I had stuff on that desk that I was sure I lost years ago. I had stuff on that desk that I didn't even know I had. Where did it all come from? I finally just shoved everything into a box and took it into another room to sort out. That just left me with a dirty topped desk, but at least it looked organized. By the time I sorted out the box and forced myself to throw out perfectly good stuff that was just a few years past expiration dates, I had a fairly heavy trash bag to set out by the curb. Now I have a smaller box of sorted GOOD things to store away somewhere. Meanwhile, I guess now I'll have to clean out the stack of books and papers that were under and beside the desk (because there wasn't room ON the desk). After that, I'll probably have to clean the rug and then paint the walls. Supid Cleaning!

Tuesday May 31, 2005 Thinking of Memorial Day

Yesterday was Memorial Day. They showed one of the veterans of the war to end all wars, World War 1. He was 103 and one of 30 survivors left of that war. Millions of people died in that war – the war to end all wars – and now the survivors are almost gone.

You wonder why mankind feels the need to war with each other. Eventually, the enemies become allies and trading partners and the whole point of war becomes forgotten. During my lifetime I have seen our great enemies Japan and Germany and Vietnam become allies and friends and I have seen our former allies Russia and China become enemies and then finally friends again. Just why did all those boys die and get maimed during all those wars? Wasn’t it eventually a great waste? Why couldn’t diplomacy solve the problems without the need to spend all the lives and waste all the materials and destroy all the land? Our hindsight shows us that great enemies can become great friends. Why can’t we use that hindsight to help us solve the problems and avoid the wars?

I have this deep forlorn suspicion that we have this great war machine we have created and it is feeding on us to keep itself alive. There are profits to be made and instruments of war to be sold and we find ourselves wasting more time and effort supporting this war machine than we do on education or health for our people. The deserts fill up with the leftover and antiquated instruments of war so that we can build newer and better killing machines. Why are we so blind to the lessons we have learned from all the wars? What did we really gain from all that effort and all those lives? It seems that our memories are too short on memorial day.

Sunday May 29, 2005 Family values

My grandfather wrote a few pages remembering his childhood in Germany in the 1880s. My father wrote more pages remembering his childhood in Wichita, Kansas in the 1920s. Life changed considerably between my grandfather’s childhood and my father’s. Automobiles and planes and electricity and telephones and many other labor-saving devices were invented and marketed. The basic structure of family life didn’t change much in that time.

I remember my childhood in Kansas City, Missouri during the 1940s and 1950s. More inventions and more labor-saving devices, but still the same basic structure of family life. My children’s memories of childhood will be of the 1970s. While there were more inventions giving more comfort and saving us all from manual labor, the basic structure of family life went through some major changes and I’m not convinced that those changes were ultimately good.

We all have air conditioning and microwave ovens and televisions and dishwashers and automatic transmissions and cell phones and instant news and more, but we also have working mothers and working fathers and working kids and fast food places and less family time and less family influences and more television and less talking among ourselves and more crime and less family values and more broken families and more troubled kids.

Somewhere along the line we lost something important that we once had. We’re not even sure what it is we miss, but we know that it isn’t present in our daily life. There was a family closeness and communication and examples to follow and expectations that we knew we had to live up to and that is all surrendered to the new lifestyle that we all have now. What we have now has taken the role models out of our lives and substituted television shows to teach us how to live. All problems are superficial and easily solved within one hour.

We are now into the second or third generation of children becoming adults who learned their roles not from their parents but from the culture around them. And now they are sharing what they know or don’t know with their children. We seem to be spiraling down and losing those family concepts that were passed along for so many generations till now. People don’t sit around the dinner table and share their daily experiences any more. They eat their dinners while watching television and often don’t even get a chance to communicate what is really happening in their lives. We are all lost in our own instant world without the benefit of advice from those who really care.

It’s going to take a lot of effort and careful scheduling to bring our families back from this precipice. If we don’t succeed, then the brave new world that follows will lack.

Friday May 27, 2005 Life is a gift

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the NOW that we lose our vision of the greater picture. If you’re staring at the white line in the road ahead, you may miss the beautiful vistas that you are passing through. Day by day, we concentrate so hard on the details of living that we forget the joy of just plain living. I have let the last few weeks pass by unnoticed because I was concentrating so hard on the details of the death of a loved one. I lost those weeks forever. They will never return. Now is the time to look up and see the beauty surrounding you. It doesn’t take much to make a memory – just one instant of recognition of something beautiful that you can carry forward with you. Life is such a great gift that we can squander or savor.

Tuesday May 24, 2005 Further thoughts about dad

When parents get older, some children assume that with age comes dementia and that older folks must be treated as children. It seems that many children stop treating the elderly as adults and take on the role of parent. In some cases this may be warranted, but in most cases it is wrong. The elderly have much experience and wisdom to share. They may not have the strength and reflexes of the young, but they have gained a patience and wisdom that seemingly only comes with age.

When my father was aging, I worked hard to keep him convinced that he was not old. It seems that when you think of yourself as old, you play the role. When he reached 83, he started saying that he was old – I told him that he was probably going to live for another 30 years, till 113. I told him he wouldn’t be old until he crossed the century mark. If you can convince yourself that you are not old yet and approach life with a positive outlook, life takes on new meaning and you don’t look back so much as you keep looking forward. Dad didn’t make it to 113, but he was young until the day he died.

I never took on the role of parent to my father – he deserved to be treated with all the dignity and respect he had earned throughout his life. We were truly friends sharing life and experiences as they came. As his body wore down and he couldn’t participate in activities that he used to enjoy, I took over those duties and we both accepted what life brought to us with no recriminations and no expectations. He enjoyed doing what he could and felt no remorse for not being able to do more. I did what I needed to do and felt no bitterness or regret for having to do so. It isn’t work or a chore to care for someone you love – it’s a joy to have the opportunity to return some of the love and care you were given earlier.

I found that dad had some great memories that just needed a little coaxing to bring to the surface. He led a charmed life with very few disasters. Most of his memories were pleasant and he was a happy man. If you were going to plan a life from beginning to end, it would be hard to improve on dad’s example.

We started life with dad as the parent and I as the child, but we ended up both being adults and friends.

Sunday May 22, 2005 Time

I don’t know that time heals all wounds, but it does soften the pain.

When you lose someone who was a large part of your life, the grief you experience is deep and intense. You are immersed in the feeling and you can’t rationalize yourself out of it. You’re better off absorbing the grief and letting the fire burn itself out before you try to make any future decisions. Just be for now. Later, the grief and loneliness and recrimination will subside and you can once more look forward to what lies ahead.

I remember a portion of a poem that I read long ago - "Better by far that you should forget and smile than remember and be sad".

Life goes on and we have great memories of good times and we soon forget sad moments and regrets.

Wednesday May 18, 2005 Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

It’s okay that you left me behind. I hope you are reunited with Mom.

We had talked about death and we were both prepared for it eventually catching up with us. It still came as a surprise. I’m glad for you that there was no lengthy pain and suffering and that death came quickly and quietly. I will miss you terribly. You were there for me my whole life and I hadn’t realized how much strength I drew from your presence. Now my world feels diminished and there is a large void left to fill. I’m hoping that you left your body behind and that your spirit now dwells in peace and light.

Feeling this great loss that I do, I wonder how you were ever able to fill the void when Mom left you behind. I hope I do as well as you in that regard. Your extended family members drew together for mutual support and love. We were happy for you that you had a peaceful ending but we all miss you. Some of us had questions we never got around to asking you and now there will be some unsolved mysteries for us to deal with.

There are moments when my eyes fill with tears and my breath comes out in sighs, but my mind reminds me that you are in a better place and I’m just being selfish for wanting you here.

Go with peace. Good night, mein fader. I love you.

Your loving son,
Bob

Saturday May 14, 2005 Dad died

Dad passed away Thursday evening, May 12, 2005.
I have no words to express my feelings of loss and anguish.

It happened fast and so unexpected. His health just turned bad and his body slowly faded away. He was under sedation and felt no pain. He was surrounded by my sisters and brother. I was too far away and it happened so fast that I couldn't get there in time. I was able to tell him over the phone that I loved him and it was shortly thereafter that he slipped away.

I need time for this pain to heal. I've been so focused on his health and caring that now I'm not sure what to do next. I know that I'm happy for him that death came peacefully and with a minimum of pain. He didn't have to suffer long and he died with dignity. He will be missed by anyone who knew him.

My dad was a 5'-9" giant of a man. Everyone looked up to him. He was an honest man you could trust. He had integrity and he was the essence of dignity. He was a truly loving person and was the strength of our family.

Tuesday May 10, 2005 From the Sunny Southwest

It's sunny and breezy down here in Albuquerque, New Mexico. If you like high desert with sun and a bit of wind, this is the place. The folks around here are really nice. The area is growing, but then it's growing everywhere, isn't it? Wouldn't you know it that just as soon as I got away for this trip, Dad started having more medical problems. You feel helpless when you are far away and can't do anything. Luckily, my sisters and brother are there to help him. I'm 2 days of hard driving away, so they will need to be the strength for him right now. After I visit my daughter and son-in-law here in Albuquerque, I head up to Wyoming to visit my other daughter and son-in-law. I may be leaving the sunny southwest for the frigid northwest. I understand that Wyoming is getting snow in May. I expect sunshine and lollipops by the time I get there. I always assume that butterflies and bluebirds will escort me on my trips and the rainbow is just beyond the next horizon. If you keep thinking positive, everything can be taken in stride and you can enjoy whatever happens along the way.

Wednesday April 27, 2005 Dad

Dad is now in his fifth set of 20 years, close to crossing into his 90s. It appears that the mind is willing but the flesh is weak. His health has been slowly fading over the last few years and it isn't fun any more. You want to be able to do things for yourself, but can't. You are forced into relying on others and it takes patience. Your own body fails you when you try to do things that once were easy. You become frustrated. Parts of your body decide to quit functioning properly and you are embarassed and feel lessened. People start to treat you differently once you get a bit older - they talk around you or about you but not to you. They seem to think that a weaker body somehow implies a weaker mind. It isn't true, you know. The mind is amazing - it retains a wealth of information and experience and it keeps on going long after your body retires.

Dad can't see as well as he could and his motor skills are less than perfect. His balance isn't what it used to be and he has lost a lot of his strength. He has lost the freedom to get out on his own now and he misses being independent. He still cares about his friends and his relatives and wishes that he could write or visit, but it's difficult when you can't see very well. The world has closed in on him and all we can do is offer him as much comfort and love as we can possibly give.

My dad has been the pillar of strength in our family and we all have come to rely on that strength and wisdom. He has been my hero throughout my life and has set the example of the kind of man I would like to be. Age takes a lot away from us eventually, but it doesn't take away our character or the history of what we've done and how we've lived our lives. As the years pass and our lives fade, we are left with our memories and we can see in others the effects of how our life touched others and perhaps helped make their lives better.

My dad can be proud of the life he has lived.

Sunday April 24, 2005 It's been a while

It's been a while since writing to this. It's not that I haven't had many thoughts, it's just that I've been lazy about taking the time to write them down. Several people have mentioned that they keep an eye on me by way of my blog - It's nice to know that people care.
Anybody who knows me knows that I am a gadget guy and I've been playing with my latest accumulation of gadgets these last few weeks. I got a dvd recorder that will record old videos onto dvd and and also record from TV to disk. I've done a whole lot of each. I also got some software that helps me record bits and pieces from various sources onto dvd - very handy - but very time consuming. It keeps me off the streets.

Among the many passing thoughts I've had recently, I've really noticed that time in our lives really varies as we pass along.

The first 20 years of my life were so filled with learning and events and discovery and achievements that the time passed very slowly and I was able to savor each and every moment, emotion, discovery as they passed. I passed through grade school, boy scouts, high school, college, girlfriends, marriage, getting out on my own. Years tuly filled with memories and emotions.

The next 20 years passed by much faster with events and memories more spaced out. I passed through establishing a family, a home, a career, a divorce, getting to know myself and learning what I really cared about.

The third set of 20 years flew by without my hardly noticing them. The events were momentous, but spaced out so that each year tended to blend into the landscape of all the years.
I passed through leaving my job for 2 years to travel around the United States then going into business for myself for a while. I eventually went back to work at Builders Steel for awhile until leaving to go out on my own. Then I found a new career being a Cad operator before finally finishing out my career back with Builders. During this time my girls finished their college educations and found their marriage partners. This time was well spent, but passed so very quickly.

Now I'm in my fourth set of 20 years and I'm learning how to deal with the trials and tribulations of growing older while enjoying the time to contemplate and to follow some of my interests. If the pattern continues, I'm sure that this time will fly by before I notice.

What you have to carry forward through each of these periods of time is your memories of previous events. It's really up to you to find the joy in the moment to carry forward in your memories.

A bright and cheery morning.

How are you this bright and cheery morning?

It's a glorious spring day and the red bud trees are budding and the fruit trees are blooming. The sky is blue and there is a cool spring breeze passing by. The grass is spring green and the trees are just taking on a tinge of green as the buds are breaking forth. It's good to be alive on a day like this. The birds are back and the woods are full of new life. The whole world celebrates a new beginning as spring arrives.

It's been a long cold dark and dreary winter, but it's over. Celebrate!

memories

Make good memories for yourself. After all else is gone you will still have your memories.

Deep within my mind lie memories of a distant youthful world in which I once dwelt. The events and places have all disappeared from time and space, yet the memories are there for me to view whenever I feel the need. Some memories are tinged with flavors of regret or happiness. Details have faded from some memories, yet they leave an image in my mind like an abstract painting with long forgotten feelings touching my soul. Some memories are sharp and vivid and still bring to me the feelings I had at that moment. I can still feel the loss, the love, the regret, the loneliness, the joy, the fear that once I had. They all will fade with time and we will be left with golden memories, remembering the good times and forgetting the sad times, until at last we will remember no more.

I hope to leave pleasant memories behind for others to occasionally enjoy.

Sunday April 10, 2005 Opinions

It's Sunday and the sunday morning television is full of news commentators telling you their version of what's going on. Each person's view is shaded by his or her own opinion and the real truth is somewhere to the left or right of their statement. The democrats have absolutely no praise for the current administration and feel that every move made has an ulterior motive that is directly opposed to the good of humanity. The republicans love the current administration and praise each and every thing done, but still hate Clinton and the democrats. If you can pull back and observe from a distance, as though watching an old time movie, it can be quite funny watching both sides and their antics. The truth is somewhere in between the extremes and hopefully time will heal all wounds. Perhaps it would be better to watch Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck.

Thursday April 7, 2005 The things we take for granted

My grandfather came to America in 1884. He, his sister, his mother and father were leaving the refined city of Berlin to find a new life away from the increasingly militarized country of Germany. Here are some exerpts of his memories that he wrote in 1957 about that trip. Can you imagine the great adventure these people took upon themselves to come here. They left their friends and family and all familiar things to come to a strange land with people who spoke a strange language - all for the sake of personal freedom.

Part of his memories - he was 8 years old at the time:

Oh, I can remember very well when we left Berlin in 1884, and the trip we took over here. Berlin was not a bad looking city at that time. There were some very nice parks there. The streets were all paved, as I remember mit Asphalt und Stein. The streetcars were drawn with horses, (not mules as they were here). I remember taking the tickets or transfers from the passengers as they got off the horse cars, and using them on my kite tail string. I remember Dad making the kites or buying them, and taking me up to Tempelhofer Feld and flying them. (Feld means field.) Dad must have liked me, as he always took me to the parks and shows. He stuffed his pockets with cigars and off we went. I do not ever remember him taking Emma or Mother.

Well, father left Germany about six months before Mother, Emma and I left. But the trip I remember very well. We got on the train and went to Hamburg. From there we took a German ship, I believe, over the North Sea to England. This was the first time in my life I saw negroes. From England we went to Scotland and laid over for a week waiting for the Atlantic ship. It was the Anchor Line. We were two days crossing the North Sea and two weeks on the Atlantic getting to New York.

Here is something I will never forget. When we were crossing the ocean, I got to playing with some girl about my age on deck, but somehow or another she hit me in the nose, and oh my, how the blood did fly! I went to the railing of the ship and I can see the blood running down the side of the ship. Then a sailor came along and showed me a little place on deck where I could wash my face. I do not remember seeing her again until we got to New York. We only looked at each other and laughed. Well anyway, when we got to New York as I remember, we got on the train and went through many towns, exchanged trains, and finally reached Kansas City, Kansas, which was called Wyandotte, Kansas. We got off the Missouri-Pacific train at the foot of 5th Street at about 9 o’clock in the evening, and Father had a man to take us to his home. When we got near the home, I heard Mother say, “There is where he lives, I can hear him playing his accordion.” Well, when we got in, after a few kisses and hugs, I heard Mother say, “What a Godforsaken country!” You can imagine us coming from a large city to a small town without any street pavement, but lots of ground.

They had to start from scratch and build a whole new life here. We take for granted what our forefathers struggled so hard to give to us.

Thursday March 31, 2005 An April Fool

I guess I'm an April fool. All winter long, I have been wishing the days away , waiting for the spring. I'm so very glad that spring is here and freezing weather is gone and green grass is starting to grow. The smell of spring is in the air and I'm really really ready for it. I suppose it's a case of cabin fever that overcomes me at the end of winter, but I've alway enjoyed the spring rains and budding trees and the clean sweet smell of spring. It's so nice to discard the heavy coats and warm clothing of winter and feel light an springy again.

Saturday March 26, 2005 Hanging loose

I waited a long time for spring and yet today, winter still lingers. It's grey and cold out there. But the good thing is that it's Saturday! YES! A grey cold Saturday! BOO!

Perhaps a good day to hang loose?
Actually, the phrase "hang loose" sounds like you are on the edge of danger. Does it mean that one false step and you will be left hanging? What is hanging tight? Sounds a bit like strangulation. Oh well, I intend to analyze and survey the meaning of "hang loose" all day long.

I hope you are hanging loose, too.

Friday March 25, 2005 When is it better to be a dog?

A very strange question, yet very true in some situations. In Terri Schiavo's case, the courts have determined that if she could have her druthers, she would choose not to be kept alive by artificial means. I firmly believe the same thing for myself. The only problem is that instead of offering the person a reasonable and painless way to relieve the misery, the only recourse allowed by society is to starve and/or let the person die of thirst. If a dog is suffering and cannot be made well, we put it to sleep humanely and without pain and suffering. Why can't we do the same for a human. At this point in Terri's life there is no hope for a future and all of society knows that the inevitable consequence is death and yet we will only allow her to pass away by knowingly depriving her of sustenance and relief - makes no sense. If and when such a time might occur in my life, I hope that there will be a pill offered that will alllow me to pass peacefully on without causing emotional trauma to my friends and relatives.

Maybe I can just go to the Vet's office for help?

Friday March 18, 2005 Almost Spring

Spring!
The word itself is light and airy. Think about it. Spring. It makes you want to move.
Spring is green and cool and smells of flowers and spring rains. The grass turns green and the trees bud and flowers bloom. Life renews and your whole attitude lightens up.

I’m really ready for spring! Aren’t we all ready for spring?.

It’s time to check out the lawnmower and rake the yard. It’s time to put away the heavy clothes and get out the light cooler springware. It’s a great time of the year.

Saturday March 12, 2005 Hospitals are a drag

Hospitals are a drag. They're full of sick people. It's not really a very nice place to visit. The patients are uncomfortable and the visitors are in the way. The nurses and all the other technicians are busy trying to keep some semblance of order in an ever changing world. It seems like a bad place to take someone who is trying to get well. It is very hard to isolate yourself from all the hacking and wheezing and coughing going on.

Whatever happened to the good old days when you could stay home and be sick in your own bed and the kindly doctor would stop by and medicate you? You were surrounded by those who really loved you and cared about you. It had to be better for your mental health. I guess there aren't enough doctors to go around now. You could sure save a lot on hospital bills.

Friday March 4, 2005 Dad

My dad has always been my hero.

He is the one who instilled the sense of personal and family pride in me. He set the example for me in how a man should shoulder responsibility through his manner and through his works.

When mom got cancer and struggled with life over the next 16 years while slowly withering away, my father was a tower of strength and caring. He waited on mom and saw to her needs till the very end. He slept in her hospital room for days when she was really ailing. He was her guardian angel. They were married for 60 years and I have no doubt that he loved her every day of those 60 years.

Dad carried on after mom passed away. She was one of the reasons for him to continue and when she left him behind, I’m sure he questioned what there was left to do. He turned to his children and has shared his love and strength with all of us. He ties our family together.

Dad is now 89 and his health is slowly failing and he doesn’t have the strength to do many of the simple things in life. Parts of your body quit before the body as a whole and you notice. His vision is failing and his strength has dwindled and his balance isn’t what it was. His mind is still sharp, but sometimes he can’t catch a quick thought like he could.

Dad is in the hospital today and I’m hoping that they can help restore some quality to his life. A man like him deserves to retain his dignity and have some quality of life to carry forward.

Thursday March 3, 2005 Consumer Tax?

Let’s think about this "consumption" tax for a minute.

Supposedly, we would eliminate many of the other taxes and only tax items which we buy.

When a person making $20,000 a year spends every cent on consumables, he will be taxed completely and when a person making $200,000 a year spends only 40% of his income on consumables and saves or invests the rest, he will be taxed on 40% of his income. Sounds fair, doesn’t it? It would lend itself to the faster accumulation of wealth by those already wealthy and faster debt problems for the poor.

So, maybe we can structure it with loopholes to allow people with lower incomes to get some kind of rebate. That will force most of the tax on the middle-income taxpayer. I don’t see any relief there, but it would start the special interest loophole legislation that dominates our tax laws now.

We all know that the Social Security problem could be forestalled for another 50 years if we just extend the current tax to "all" income. Of course the people with higher incomes don’t like the sound of that, but they will be putting in the same percentage of income that the poorer people do and they will be getting more retirement income out when they retire (sounds fair to me).

I’m a firm believer in a flat tax on all income above a certain poverty level. We would need to exempt the first say $25,000 and then pay 15% or 20% on all income above that level (with no exceptions). We would stop rewarding people for having kids. We would stop tax exemption loopholes. It would take 5 minutes to figure your taxes. We could stop playing games with the federal tax code. In times of real emergency, we could raise the tax to cover the cost.

Maybe we could even balance the budget. Of course we would need to somehow stop the special interests from buying congressmen, senators and presidents.

That will never happen.

Wednesday March 2, 2005 Democratic musings on a sunny day

I guess the Republican solution to the Social Security and Medicare looming problems is to cut the taxes on the rich, drive up federal spending by privatizing government support services and issuing non-bid contracts to their friends and supporters, and let each poor soul buy whatever services he can afford.

Once the Social Security system is in the hands of the brokers and insurance companies, we will all be much better off (just ask the British about their private investment retirement plan).

Have you noticed how well the defense manufacturers are doing while we have kept this war dragging on? When we have no decent enemies left, we seem to create new little ones to pick on. This constant defense against real or imaginary foes keeps the armament manufacturers quite happy. Now we have the nouveau security defense companies coming into the lineup for their portion of the largesse due to the Homeland Security contracts being issued.

Years ago we, in the construction business, always marveled at the contracts awarded by the military at the end of the fiscal year – just to finish off any monies left over from their budget. If it could be painted or replaced it was, no matter that it had just been done the preceding year. They had to use up the budgeted money or their budget would be decreased the next year. Now that much of the support service is being let out to private corporations, that is likely to escalate.

Now that we are spending very much more than we are taking in, without attempting to curb the costs of the supply side corporations for armaments, health care, drug costs, and energy suppliers, we will need to either cut back on services to the public or raise taxes on the poor or extend the retirement age or even extend the social security taxed income to all income. Or we could stop making wars and save a bundle. Maybe we could tell Europe “It’s your turn to keep the peace.”. We could ally ourselves with all the North American and South American countries and build our own economy here without Europe or Asia. Once we found alternative fuels instead of oil, we could tell the middle east to keep their oil and go back to tending their flocks.

Or not. Sometimes it’s nice to dream.
Let's pretend that the rich aren't getting richer and the poor aren't getting poorer.
We don't really need a Robin Hood, do we?

March winds will bring April showers which will bring? 

Sunday February 27, 2005 Almost March

It's almost March.

March is the beginning of Spring. March is blustery, but can be sunny and warm. March is going to the park and flying kites. You may need to wear gloves, but it is so good to get out. The grass is just turning from brown to green and later in March the trees will bud. You smell the crisp cool air and it has a scent of left over soggy fall leaves, but also a beginning scent of newness.

I remember, as a young boy, flying kites with my dad. I remember, as a young man, flying kites with my daughters. I remember flying kites at the seashore. You launch the kite and you feel it tug on the string in its efforts to go with the wind.

I suppose that is my feeling about March - spring winds, outdoors, and freedom.

Friday February 25, 2005 Why the foul language?

I was in the construction business for over 40 years and dealt with all the trades who help to build buildings and shopping centers and schools and banks. My particular specialty was in the structural steel framing end of the business. I dealt with a lot of ironworkers over the years. These men put up with freezing temperatures, hot burning sun, slippery wet steel, mud, danger at all times, aches and pains and strained muscles. These men had great pride and endurance. And yet for all the troubles they put up with, they very seldom had to resort to the foul language that now is permeating our society. After visiting hundreds of jobsites and working with thousands of tradesmen, I can probably count on my fingers the number of times when the men have resorted to swearing. Their containment of their frustration and anger at times is admirable.

This is why it really bothers me to hear the “f” word or the “s” word or all the foul language bandied about in the movies and games and music and comedies that surround us now. I suppose it is put there to titillate us, but it really demeans us. If you can’t find the proper words to express your anger or frustration, you can always try to shock others by cursing, but it only tends to lower your esteem in the eyes of others.

Thursday February 24, 2005 Blogmind

I keep putting my thoughts out there on this blog.

Is there a blog space?
What happens to this blog after I stop posting thoughts?
Will this blog continue after I have passed away?
Do my thoughts continue to randomly appear in blogspace forever?

Maybe we have all contributed random thoughts that will coalesce into a blogmind that will continue long after we have gone.

Where do thoughts come from?
Where do they go after they have been created?

If we have created a new consciousness in blogspace, I hope it is able to distinguish the intelligent thoughts from the rest.

Tuesday February 22, 2005

Gray skies just waiting for spring. Just one more month of winter. I don't like to wish my life away, but it's hard to get enthused about this kind of weather and the gray dreariness. Here in Kansas City, our weather jumps up and down a lot during Winter. One day its warm and sunny and the next day its cold and dreary. You can't really get adjusted to the weather at all. At least in summer, it is always hot and muggy here and you can get adjusted to it. I haven't decided whether I prefer Spring or Fall - they both have their merits. I think I like Spring best because you have so much to look forward to, while in fall you know that Winter is just around the corner. I guess I'm like a big bear - hibernating through the cold, waiting for the sunshine.

Maybe I just need a good deep snow.

Thursday February 17, 2005 A Friend Passes

Fred was a friend and fraternity brother from my college days. He survives in my memory as he was then. The years have not diminished his memory. He was someone you could count on. He was loyal and true. He still has that half-smile on his face in my memory. He enjoyed life.

It's difficult when someone you knew and cared for leaves this world. The world loses some of its warmth and magic. Life goes on, but it's not quite the same.

All of us who knew Fred, even those from long ago, will miss him.

Tuesday February 15, 2005 Testament

I thought about the advent of blogging and what it means to me.

My blog is my way of saying who I am, where I’ve been, and what I’ve thought along the way. It’s the book I never wrote. It’s the song I never published. It’s the pictures and thoughts and ideas that have come my way during my adventures. It is my diary.

It is my testament that I leave behind telling the world that I was here.

We set out in life with a clean slate and grand hopes of making a difference in this world. Life has a way of tempering those hopes and we end up hoping that we have made a difference to at least a few people. Most of the world will not know or long remember that we were even here. We have left only minor ripples in the stream of life.

I have enjoyed the trip and have great memories that mean much to me, but I’m afraid they won’t mean much to anyone else. I leave my thoughts and memories in this blog for all to see and with the hope that someone will fleetingly pass by and smile at some of my remembrances.

Who could ask for more?

Monday February 14, 2005 Itneersting?

Aoccdrnig to a rscheeshhr at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by itslef but the wrod as a wlohe.

Itneersting, ins't it?

Friday February 11, 2005 Evil North Korea

Let's see, we called Iraq, Iran and North Korea "the axis of evil". We invaded Iraq.
We call North Korea a bastion of tyranny. Now North Korea breaks off talks with us. Surprise?
With our present government and their form of diplomacy, it's not surprising that Iran and North Korea want nuclear weapons. They must feel that they are in imminent danger.

Of course there is no danger as long as they don't possess weapons of mass destruction. We wouldn't invade another country without provocation, would we? I'm sure the rest of the world feels safe and secure with our compassionate, level headed leadership. We only want to help them, whether or not they want help. The people will welcome us if we rescue them from their evil oppressors, just like they did in Iraq. I'm sure we will think things through much better next time and even have an exit policy.

Besides, that's what an army's for - isn't it?

Wednesday February 9, 2005 Communicating

The words we say or write to express our own personal thoughts aren't always heard but can, on occasion, reach out and touch the hearts of others. At those times of communication, we can feel the empathy. We are all human and we all have our moments of love and anger and anguish and joy. To share those moments with another being gives a feeling of belonging.

It's important to know that others share our feelings. It's important to know that we are not alone during our trials and tribulations. Life is made to be shared. We are all social beings and find it very difficult to function without some contact with others. Life in solitary confinement without ever touching others would be unendurable agony.

I am thankful for all those people who have shared a portion of their life with me. They have given me joy and made my life memorable.

Tuesday February 8, 2005 attitude

I guess it's all in your attitude toward winter. Here in Missouri, there is a tendency to button down the hatches and wait for spring once winter arrives. We seem to gravitate toward indoor activities and stay away from outdoor activities. We don't hirbernate, but we do stay inside.

My cousin and her husband, from Minnesota, came through town the other day. They were on a winter vacation traveling south and then returning home. They were actually driving cross country during the winter and enjoying it. When I asked if the weather bothered them, they looked at me strangely and said - "Once they opened the highways, it was okay". They had no qualms about traveling during snow and ice, that's just part of winter and they seem to enjoy all seasons. Once winter arrives in Minnesota, it stays all winter and it gets brutal. They just adjust their attitude and go ice fishing or skating or snowmobiling. They really seem to enjoy winter just as much as any other season.

I'm going to have to investigate this.

Monday February 7, 2005 Family

No matter where you go or what you do, your family is with you. They helped mold you to be the person you are. Their values and views have become integrated into your person.

We share our lives with many people over the years. Friends and neighbors come and go, but family always remains. Fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, children, aunts, uncles and cousins are part of our support group. They are on your side, no matter what. It's comforting to know that you have their unconditional love and support. There is no catastrophe so bad that they won't be there to give you comfort.

We have much love in our family. It helps.

Sunday February 6, 2005 Super Sunday?

I remember the first super bowl.

No one really cared much, they thought it was kind of a gimmick. Bowl games were for college teams. Most people cared about professional football like we now care about indoor football. The only people who really cared about pro teams were the die hard fans in the cities that had teams. I remember the TV people interviewing people about the upcoming super bowl game and their surprised reactions. What's a super bowl?

Well, now the hype and the networks and the news media have taken over and to many people, this is the ultimate game. The old time football players used to be college football players who didn't want to grow up yet. They wanted to keep on playing games for a few more years before they settled down and got a job. They were rough and tumble guys out for a good time. It wasn't a profession, it was a GAME.

Times have changed and attitudes have changed and the game has become entertainment and all the changes aren't necessarily for the best.

Saturday February 5, 2005 sunny and warm

Good news and bad news.
The good news is that it's a great day, warm and sunny.
The bad news is that it's still the middle of winter.

These kind of days make you think of picnics and flying kites and walks in the park. Maybe you think about starting to work on the yard. You just want to get outside and breathe the fresh air. But the sad fact is that next week winter will return with the frigid cold and slush and grey skies. It wouldn't be so bad if winter just came and stayed the whole season. You would get adjusted and there would be sunny days of white shiny snow and ice skating and sledding and skiing. Here in the midwest we get a little of everything and not a lot of anything. Once it freezes, it thaws. Once the snow melts, it snows. We get a lot of mud and slush. You really need all-weather tires and all-weather clothes.

The good news will last for the day and make me think of spring. It won't be long now.

Thursday February 3, 2005 Living in the REAL world

CNN was interviewing a retired couple. They commented that George doesn't live in the real world. I got to thinking about that.

He never had to work his way through school. I bet he never had an after school job while he was in high school. He never had to search for a job at all. Jobs and positions were thrust at him. He never had to worry about keeping an old car running or getting fired from a job if he was late. He never had to worry about being able to pay all the bills. I'll bet neither he nor Laura ever have to go to the grocery store or do their own laundry or cook their own food. I'll bet the “help” take care of everything down on the ranch. He gets to play at being a rancher when he visits.

He doesn't live in the real world – never has. He lives in George's world – always will. He will never really understand the average man's situation. He may try, but he really won't get it. Maybe that's why he is in favor of changing the medical system and changing the retirement system – he just doesn't look at things from our standpoint.

I hope people from the real world keep things under control.

February 2, 2005 Groundhog Inauguration

I suppose you could call today Social Insecurity Day.

What happened to the surplus we had just 4 years ago? We were going to give half of it back and still have some left over. I think the same accountants worked for Enron and Halliburton. Are they now working for Social Security?

Now I know that we had to respond to September 11 and I was in favor of going into Afghanistan, but I was very doubtful about the reasons for attacking Iraq. I figured that others knew more than I did and once they found the weapons of mass destruction it would justify all the killing and mayhem. What happened to the weapons of mass destruction mentioned just 3 years ago?

Now we're being told that somebody has a surefire answer to solving future problems with social security. Forgive me if I'm a bit sceptical.

These are the same people who don't believe in global warming even though the poles are melting. These are the same people who still haven't found the terrorist who killed so many of our people. Osama still taunts the most powerful nation in the world and gets away with it.

Their predictions and their conclusions seem to be as accurate as the groundhog's.

Tuesday February 1, 2005 campfires

Everyone stares into a campfire.

It's hypnotic. It's fascinating. It's restful.

You just sit there and watch the flames lick around each piece of wood and you watch the coals glow. Everybody seems to want to help by pushing in that half burnt piece of wood so it can be consumed. You find a fire-stick and poke the fire and then make sure your stick doesn't continue to burn by rubbing it in the earth. It's very difficult to get up and leave the light and warmth of the fire. When you leave the bubble of light, it seems suddenly dark and foreboding. You become closer to each of the people gathered around the fire and miss that close companionship when you finally have to leave and head off to bed. The smell of the fire lingers in the air and in your clothes.

It builds great memories.

Monday January 31, 2005 a day off

I took today off.

That's hard to do when you are retired. When you are retired, every day is like a holiday. Still, I took the day off - didn't do a darn thing. I was a lazy bum today and didn't even feel bad about it. I suppose that the feeling that you should accomplish something every day is a carry over from all those years of work. It's hard not to try to keep a list of things to do and try to get something done every day. It feels almost sinful to take a day off. It feels good.

I'll have to do this again someday.

Sunday January 30, 2005 Middle of winter

It's Sunday, and there is no football on TV. It's too cold for golf. It's brown and gray and cold - no great photos out there to take. I don't know what to do. We need a song for mid-winter blues. You know, something we can hum to make us feel better. Like April Showers helps in March and April. Maybe if there was snow on the ground, we could go out and play in the snow. Nah, we would just get cold and wet.

Oh well. At least it's Sunday and naps are good.

Maybe the sun will come out tomorrow.

Friday January 28, 2005 Thinking of mountains

Whenever I want to slip away from the worries of the world, I think of mountains. When you get up in the timeless mountains, away from cities and roads and people, you feel your presence in this life diminish and all the petty worries disappear. No matter what great accomplishments or destruction mankind does on this earth, the mountains survive and they bear witness to our passing. They were there long before we came and will be there long after we are gone. They, too, will eventually grow old and wear down but their time frame makes ours insignificant.

There is a peace and cleanliness in the mountains from forests and streams and blue skies and white clouds. I like to go there and become a rock. You just sit and become part of the landscape. Sometimes the wildlife will accept your presence and you will see them peacefully going about their business. It's a feeling that you never lose.

When the world becomes too much for you, think of mountains and breathe the mountain air.

January 27, 2005 I'm suspect

I'm suspect of people who won't admit a mistake. Now, I know that it's hard to do so, but we all know that we make a mistake now and then. Even the people with the best intentions will make mistakes. These mistakes for most of us don't amount to much and generally hurt only ourselves or our pride. When people in important positions who dictate life and death decisions for others make mistakes, the consequences are generally hard to live with, but that goes with the territory. It scares me when people in power, who have made a mistake, won't admit that their decision might have been wrong. To me, this means that the same type of mistake may be made again and again. It's only human to make a mistake and it's human to learn from our mistakes and try not to make the same mistake again.

Maybe we have decision makers who think they can't make mistakes - that's a mistake in itself.

Monday January 24, 2005 A Sunny Day

The sun came out this morning. It sure makes a difference in your attitude to look out on a sunny world instead of a dreary cloudy winter morning. It seems to remind you that Spring will return, eventually. Right now the grass is brown and the trees are bare and everything looks like it is dormant and waiting, but the sky is blue and the sun is shining and ther is a thought of Spring in my heart.

Sunday January 23, 2005 Family Day

Sunday has always been a day for family. Years ago, I would get together with my daughters and go to the zoo or a show. Later, my daughters would bring their boyfriends/husbands and we would go out exploring the back roads and eat breakfast out. We built some great memories together. As my parents got older, my sisters and brother and I would get together every Sunday with them. We became good friends with each other and our parents.

Time passes and people pass away or move away and the group has dwindled, but Sunday is still a day for family and reflection about times past.

Over the years, friends and fellow workers and neighbors come and go but you always have your family. It's a comforting thought on this family day.