Sunday February 26, 2006 Thank God

I'm not one to push religion on anyone. I believe that every person can believe whatever they want to – it won't really change what truly IS.

But, God and I were having this discussion the other day (actually, I was talking to God and hopefully He was listening), and I remembered when I would talk to Him every day when I was on my trip around the country. Each day was a miracle and the beauty that surrounded me was breathtaking and I let God know how much I appreciated everything He had set forth before me. I don't talk to God as often now and I know that I should. It seems that each time I talk now, I'm apologizing for not having spoken lately. I get so wrapped up in ME and MY events that I forget to talk to HIM. (I know God is far beyond gender and name, God is the all powerful force and reason for all that exists, but I feel more comfortable thinking of God as HIM and God doesn't seem to mind). I thank Him for all the help He has given me and all my family, we seem to have been blessed. I thank Him for smiting me on occasion when I need to learn a lesson. I don't hold any grudges against God for any mishaps that might occur during my life, I trust Him to have reasons for all events. Actually, I think that He lets us pretty much do our thing and observes most of the time. I don't believe that the earth and the human race are all that important to Him in the overall scheme of things, but I do believe that He is big enough and powerful enough to intercede whenever He wishes. The power of prayer (what I call coversations with God) can't be overlooked. You don't get everything you pray for and it doesn't always happen when you wish, but it does seem that many prayers get answered. That's why I talk to Him and thank Him and ask for His help when there is noone else to turn to.

God is really a GOOD guy. I don't believe there is an evil thought that exists in Him. Everything that God is involved with is a good thing and is part of His plan. I believe that any evil that exists is created by the human race. We flounder around and make many mistakes and some of us are not kind to each other. Some of us won't share and some of us take more than our fair share. We have created the politics and divisions of different peoples on this earth and some of us suffer because of that. It isn't God's fault. He just lets us make our mistakes and lets us learn our lessons and if we fail, then it's our own fault.

Anyway, that's kind of what I think about that. You may think something different and that's okay, because God doesn't mind if you do.

Tuesday February 21, MMVI EQUIVOCAL

The word for today is: EQUIVOCAL

Meaning:
1. Open to two or more interpretations and often intended to mislead; ambiguous.
2. Of uncertain significance.
3. Of a doubtful or uncertain nature.

Used in a sentence:
George's reasons given for going to war were EQUIVOCAL.

Sunday February 19, 2006 Backtracking

Have you ever wandered through a dense woods?
You generally follow the path of least resistance, but it doesn't always lead you to where you want to go. It's clearly the easiest path but it deadends at a clearing or a stream or someone's home. You end up backtracking to find the less traveled path to your destination. Your path may have more brambles and bushes and may not be as smooth or easy to follow as the other path, but at least you will get where you want to go. If you travel through life following the path of least resistance, you often end up at the wrong place and at the wrong time. You may lose time and effort backtracking and correcting your course, but it is necessary to do so if you want to reach your goal.

I thought that I had it all figured out. I studied the market and read all the right newsletters and columns written by all the “experts” and set out to conquer the market and accomplish great things with my retirement investments. You carefully analyze all available documents and once you arrive at a sane and logical conclusion, you concentrate your investments in that area and wait for the values to increase. You have no intention of gambling with your slowly acquired nest egg – you want to invest it wisely and safely. Then one day God stretches out his hand and smites thee. He hits you in the head with a 2x4 just to get your attention and then gently destroys your tower of logical investments. You realize once more that nothing is sure and definite in this world and you are definitely NOT in control. It turns out that the experts can be as wrong as you and that all the figuring in the world can't sway the market once a panic takes over the thundering herd. What once was a wonderful bargain worth all your praise is now just a house of cards and stock certificates worth little in the future.

So, I find myself backtracking trying to find the right path to reach my goal. I have less to burden me as I strike out on new trails. I carry a bit more wisdom with me and I am a bit more humble now. I realize that all your eggs in one basket can break more easily when you trip. I'll take it a bit more slowly now and watch each step more carefully.

A word from the once-smitten – be careful out there and don't believe everything you read.

Tuesday February 14, 2006 Life and Death

Death lies ahead for each and every one of us.

For some, it is far away and it doesn't consume much of our thoughts.
For some, it is imminent and the thought of death and it's implications occupies more of our thoughts.
As you get older, you think more often about death.
You have built a life and you wonder what you will leave behind.
You think about what happens after death.

You have spent your whole life building yourself and the way you think. It seems such a waste if all that effort is for nothing. Hopefully, the essential you will continue after your body succumbs to death. You begin to see yourself as two essential elements – the physical body and the thoughtful soul. You realize that your body fails with age, but your mind keeps acquiring knowledge and developing your whole life. By the time you figure it all out, it's all over.
Not fair!

Death is not to be feared, it is as natural as birth. We must know that it is coming someday and plan for it. No matter what lies after death, we should leave no strings untied. We should try to balance our life so there is no hatred or loss left behind. All we leave behind us is memories in those persons we shared life with. If we enjoyed life and shared that joy with others, we did well. Perhaps we will leave a smile in the minds of those who knew us. It would be great to leave the earth a better place by our efforts - if not a better place, perhaps a happier place.

We do what we can do and hopefully die with a smile of our face for a life well lived.

Saturday February 11, 2006 On a brighter note

On a brighter note, it snowed just a bit last night.

There is just a dusting out there, but it hides the brown and gray. Everything looks clean and bright. There is a crispness in the air and silence in the wind. Whenever it snows, it seems that the snow muffles the sounds of the world around us and we sink into the natural beauty of the moment. It may be cold, but it sure is pretty. Later we can worry about the mush and slush. Right now, we are kids again in a winter wonderland.

Friday February 10, 2006 Don't you get tired?

Don't you get tired of listening about the antics of our politicians.
You get mad when they just don't seem to understand the common man's needs and desires. They have their agenda and it doesn't seem to include us. When one party goes overboard in one direction, we wait for the other party to come up with a logical alternative and draw the political rhetoric back to the middle, but it's easier to cast dispersions on the rulers than to offer sensible suggestions. We end up with each party villifying the other and not having faith in either. We cherish the idea that our representatives are there to represent us and to watch out for us. It seems that we have the best political system money can buy. What's the use? Without the money you can't sway a single vote in favor of the majority. There are just too many special interests with way too much money influencing our leaders. Integrity gives way to compromise and we overlook graft and corruption as part of the price we must pay to get elected. Every person who has been elected “owes” some special interest(s) favors.

The problem is that only rich people have the wherewithal to pay for a campaign and if they don't have the money, they have to surrender their favors to those who do. Whoever we get to vote for is already bought and paid for.

It's sad.

Tuesday February 7, 2006 No monetary sense at all.

WASHINGTON (MarketWatch) -- President Bush on Monday sent Congress a $2.77 trillion budget request that would boost defense spending, while trimming Medicare and other government programs even as first-term tax cuts are extended.

The budget doesn't fully account for expected costs associated with the ongoing wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. White House officials last week said war-related supplemental spending would likely top $120 billion in the current fiscal year.

Bush also seeks to cut projected spending on mandatory entitlement programs by $65 billion over five years, with the bulk coming from measures designed to hold down outlays for Medicare, the health-care program for the elderly, by $36 billion through 2011. Mandatory spending refers to programs such as Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security, in which outlays are set automatically according to the number of beneficiaries and other factors.

We can cut education and health costs and help for the poor, but we need to add money to the pockets of the wealthy and to help fund a war that wasn't necessary in the first place.

The people who make the monetary decisions for this country have no common sense. If they ran my budget, I would be bankrupt and living under a bridge with no food and no medical help and no future.

Wait a minute! They are running my budget!

Monday February 6, 2006 How much is too much?

“The Bush administration will ask Congress soon for another $120 billion to pay for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, bringing total spending since the Sept. 11 attacks to about $440 billion.

The war in Iraq is costing about $150 million a day, while continued fighting in Afghanistan is costing about $27 million a day.

In 2002, White House economic adviser Lawrence Lindsey suggested the cost could reach $200 billion. Mitch Daniels, then the White House budget director, said Lindsey's number was too high, and said the cost would be $60 billion or less. Lindsey resigned a few months later.”

-USA Today

It's beginning to sound like Iran is next on the hit list.
But that's all right, we're rich and powerful. We're the biggest kid on the block.

Wednesday February 1, 2006 The State of George

What is the benefit of a doubt?

The dictionary says that doubt as a noun is a lack of trust.
What is the benefit of a lack of trust?

The news says that many voters gave George the benefit of a doubt in the last election because they thought he was sincere and strong and could be trusted.
Now he gets no such benefit from a majority of the voters.

We are now being guided by a man who we do not trust. We accepted many of his statements and arguments with trust and faith that he knew more than we did about what was going on and that he had a plan to solve the problems. It is obvious now that the only people who have benefitted from his presidency are the rich and powerful. We have lost many of our good paying jobs, we have lost our health coverage, we have added to our debt, our future looks uncertain, but definitely not brighter. We face mounting problems with no plan that will solve them.

His state of the union speech acknowledged no mistakes. He points to those who disagree with him as being unpatriotic. He says we must stay the course (even if the course is misguided and off course). He has three more years to help scrap more of our programs and shift the wealth permanenttly from the poor and middle class to the wealthy.

Trust me, he says. Would he lie to you?
What is his real agenda?

Monday January 30, 2006 Decisions

For years I've told my girls that throughout life you will make many decisions. Sometimes your decision will take you away from the path you thought you wanted to follow, but here you are. You might think of each decision an a “Y” in the road. You can go this way or you can to that way. Only time will tell if you made the wisest decision. You can never go back and change that decision, you can only go forward from this moment in time deciding where you go from here. Life has a way of leading you inadvertantly to where you are – not at all where you thought you would be.

The important thing to remember is you do have control from this point forward – no use having the “poor me” attitude about spilt milk. If you carefully weigh the major decisions in your life, you will have few “if onlys” to look back upon. Keep a positive attitude and know that whatever trials and travails you have faced so far in life, they have made you the person you are today and perhaps given you the wisdom to avoid future problems.

There are no wrong decisions, there are just decisions with consequences you must live with. Life will take you on interesting paths and you need to enjoy the trip – wherever you go. In the long run, the wisest and the dumbest, the richest and the poorest, the lucky and the unlucky end up in the same place – just a memory. The important thing is that you took the time to enjoy what you had.

Saturday January 28, 2006 Desiderata

It's time to again look at the words and meaning in the Desiderata. It always brings me much peace.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms will all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And, whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

Thursday January 26, 2006 BOB

BOB is such a perfect word.
There are no wasted letters – no frills – ya get what ya see. It's the same backwards and forwards. It can only sound like it sounds (oh, I suppose some might try to sound it like BOHB, but they would be stretching out a perfectly formed word). Even if you sound it wrong, there is no denying what you are saying. See how it trips out of your mouth so quickly and cleanly – no fumbling with the tongue or pursing the lips. It's got such a great sound. It is distinct and can't be confused with any other sound – it is “bob” - the perfect word.

Unlike GEORGE with all the unsounded letters and twisting of the lips and grimacing. Why haven't we ever had a president with the name of Bob? Now there's a name you can trust.

Wednesday January 25, 2006 Superfluousity

My sister's name is Carole.

I got to thinking about that. The "e" at the end is what they call superfluous. Her middle name is Anne. Guess what?

I got to thinking about the word superfluous. If a letter or word is superfluous does that mean another letter or word is fluous? I looked up fluous – no such name. If you can't have fluous, why can you have superfluous? Maybe there should be underfluous – no such luck.

I sure would like to talk to the man who invented our language. Nobody takes credit for inventing it. Maybe someone should copyright the english language and straighten it out.

You could make a lot of money that way, charging each person for each word. You would need to hire the government to help spy on people to make sure of their word usage. I think they already have the apparatus in place. If you didn't have the money, you couldn't write or speak english. Of course, you might want to rename it – maybe Robert. That's it, you could all talk Robert.

It would be a lot better than speaking Carole, with a superfluous letter.

Thursday January 19, 2006 A matter of perspective

It's all a matter of perspective.

I just happen to be further up the road than most of you and I'm looking back down the road while you are looking up the road. I know many of the potholes, curves, detours and straightaways that you have yet to face and although the road is constantly changing, I would love to warn you of impending difficulties. I know that until you drive over the road yourself you can't truly appreciate some of the beauty and some of the horrors that you will witness, but if you will just take note of some of the warnings I will try to post for some of the more dangerous parts of the journey, you will have a safer trip.

The journey is what it's all about. You must enjoy the scenery you are passing through or you will miss the point of the journey. If you keep your eyes focused only on the road ahead, you will reach your ultimate destination, but you won't have enjoyed the trip at all.

When you approach the end of your trip, you can look back over your journey and see so well where you might have taken a needless side trip or avoided one of the hazards. There is no going back, there is just going forward, but, with a little advice, you can help others on their journey to enjoy and appreciate what they are about to encounter.

I've had a great trip so far and I'm eager to face the next leg of my journey. There is so much to learn and so much to see and so many to share with. Life is good.

Wednesday January 18, 2006 Who I am and where I am

Who I am and where I am.

Now that I'm retired, I have a lot of time on my hands. Being a divorced single means that I have noone to argue with but myself and I always win those arguments. Actually, I've found that most of the time I completely agree with myself. It's very difficult always being right. With nobody else to discuss and debate with, you spend a lot of time in introspection. You get to know yourself pretty well, but it's hard to be critical and it's very difficult to find the flaws in your character that someone else could easily point out.

You have no bosses to tell you what to do and when to do it. You have noone else to command your time and energy. There are few distractions that are not of your own making. Life can be very agreeable, but a bit bland at times. The world is your oyster, but predictable.

The dreams that I remember are often of former friends and places and work. I seem to be creating a dreamworld with adventures real or imagined and problems to solve. They are much like mystery novels, half familiar and half fiction.

Over the years, I have had great adventures and I'm very glad I had those experiences while I was physically able to have them. Youth had it's advantages and memory is a great way to relive those days. I enjoy the simpler pleasures now, but I do enjoy looking back over the photographs in my mind. As you age, you become more comfortable with yourself and you learn your limitations. You accept yourself and you gain patience and acceptance of where you are in life.

Monday January 16, 2006 Words

Play on words.
Play with words.
One word leads to another and our amazing mind wanders (wonders) through a maze.

Obtuse, obscure, observe, obverse, adverse, advertise, seek, sneak, snuck, snooze

fascinating, facilitating, facility, faculty, faculties, tease, trees, sneeze, snooze
vacillating, vacuum, cumulating, cumulus, stratus, status

Your mind can wander aimlessly connecting the dots.

Tuesday January 10, 2006 Not always for the best

The world is ever changing.

The world now is not what I remember of it as a child. The world my father knew when he was young is long gone. I suppose that this is the way it has always been. We adapt our surroundings to us rather than adapting to our surroundings. If a hill is in the way, we cut it down or move it. We fill the valleys and dam the rivers. We cut down the forests and farm the plains. We destroy farmland and build shopping centers. We sprawl. We fence. We reshape. We drive around in our climate controlled cars from our climate controlled homes to our climate controlled offices, never taking the time to notice the disappearing landscape about us.

My grandfather came at a time before automobiles. They walked, rode horses or took trains to get places. My father came at a time before interstates and jet travel. They had one car per family and pretty much stayed in their neighborhoods. I came at a time when kids could play in the streets because there wasn't much traffic. When snow came, the city would barricade the hills and kids would sled.

Later, when I pursued a career, I helped remold the world around us. I worked in the structural steel business and we helped cover the fields with buildings. Unfortunately, many buildings aren't built to last forever and many of the first buildings I helped build were later replaced with newer and "better" buildings. Our monuments are only temporary and hold little value in the long run.

It's nice to know that the mountains are still there and that the eagles still soar over forests of green. It isn't something you can see here in the city. Maybe that's why we keep ripping up the farmland, trying to get out to the edge of the city where there is still some natural beauty.

Friday January 6, MMVI Sorting it all out

Day and night, thoughts race through my mind.

At night I dream strange concoctions of former friends in unfamiliar places with current problems. I don't remember my dreams, but I know that they are always there. Sometimes when I wake up at night, I remain immersed in my dream of the moment and know that it will continue so long as I don't completely wake up. The next morning, I'm lucky to remember that I was dreaming at all.

Throughout the day, my mind wanders with no direction from this memory to that person to this object to that situation to this image or that song. My mind seems to be sorting out all the data that has collected in my brain over all the years and is trying to make sense of it all. Mostly, life just happens. You have certain long term plans and certain short term activities, but life happens from moment to moment with little guidance other than a general direction you decide to go in. Structure breaks down when you least expect it and life seems to flow by while you watch. I've collected many images and memories and many plans over all the years. My brain has much to sort out.

I don't expect any startling revelations if and when my brain ever completes it's task. I just hope that I'm left with pleasant memories to think about and happy songs to hum.

Wednesday January 4, 2006 A different year?

It's another new year.

I've been through a few of these. You always hope for the best, but often you just get another mediocre year much like the last one. The world will focus on the new tragedies and the new wars and the new catastrophes while overlooking the starving and helpless people and situations that occur. We just don't seem to learn from our past mistakes. We spend so much of our present and future building armies and navies and missiles and fighter planes and bombs and bullets and so little on helping ourselves to a healthier, happier future. We have done it over and over and over for centuries and centuries. We talk peace and brotherhood while threatening each other with bigger and bigger clubs. I doubt that there has been a year in our history where some country on this earth was not at war with another.

Maybe this year will be different.

Wednesday December 28, 2005 Lost our focus

We focus way too much on ourselves.

We think about what WE want and where WE are going and how WE are going to get there and WE forget to focus on those around us. Once we look outside ourselves, our immediate problems seem to diminish. There are so many people on this earth worse off then we are. If we can focus on helping someone else our cares and woes will fade away. We get so wrapped up in the “poor me”s that we don't stop to look at our overall situation. No matter what situation we are in, we still have much to be thankful for.

Christmas time is a time to focus on doing for others and helping others and giving love and attention to others. But on Christmas day it seems we give up that focus and start getting the “gimmees”. Now it's more about what WE got and what WE didn't get and what WE are going to do next. We turn our focus inward and start to consider what WE are going to do in the upcoming new year. I guess we have done all we are going to do for the hopeless and helpless and we shove thoughts of them into the background of our immediate cares.

We'll think about them again next Christmas.
Right now we have more pressing matters to deal with.

Wednesday December 21, 2005 Memories of Christmas

It's Christmas time.
We get wrapped up in the events and the presents and all the holiday festivities.
It's also time to think about those who are not here with us to share the season.
We all have someone far away who won't be here this year to hug or shake hands. We can only send them a brief thought of how we would like to have shared this moment in time with them and hope that they indeed know that fact.

There are many friends and relatives from our past that we might think of at this time of the year. They helped make this time special way back then. Some are gone and some are far away and some have faded from memory. Even though they may not receive our thoughts, it is good to remember them and thank them for the memories they gave us. We can only hope that wherever they are, they will receive our kind thoughts as we tuck another Christmas into our memories.

I wish all of you who can't be with me a very Merry Christmas!
Know that you are in my thoughts.

Saturday December 17, 2005 Greed

It hurts when you see all the injustice and cruelty and know that you can't really solve the problem.

You know, deep down inside, that we should all be loving and caring people and should be looking out for each other and that there really isn't any need for our fellow companions to be starving or hurting. All we need to do is to reach out and help each other. You do your little part, but it's a drop in the ocean.

The ones that could really make a difference are the rich and powerful and they don't seem to be able to see the problems of the ordinary people. They are more concerned with keeping their wealth and expanding their power. Those born with wealth and power have no idea of how ordinary people live and what their concerns are. They dabble with charities but they are never immersed in the culture of the poor. You and I know that if we each help just one other person and that person helps another and the chain continues, it would be a better world. But when you are homeless and hungry and have nowhere to turn, there is little you can do. Those who can help don't know how and those who want to help don't have the assests and those who need help are left wanting.

We turn to our government to help us help ourselves, but more and more we find that our governement is being run by the rich and powerful who don't even understand what the problems are. Somehow, this earth that we all share has become a world of haves and have-nots. The wealth has shifted to a very few and the rest of us are left on the outside looking in.

I still believe that a person should get what he works for and that all people can't expect the same rewards if their efforts haven't been as effective, but inheritated wealth and power too quickly divides the world into artificial classes of people and improperly distributes the assests of this planet we all share. Earlier leaders understood this and redistributed the wealth by way of inheritance taxes and graduated income taxes. They knew that the strength of our country depended on the general financial health of all of our citizens. We have abandoned those ideas and now have a greater and growing division of wealth and power between those who have and those who have not.

It seems that greed wins out over love of fellow man.

Friday December 16, 2005 Please wake me up!

What a dream!
Well, really it's a nightmare!

I am dreaming that we elected this fellow as president, but he is only a stooge for the special interests. While he is trying to cut the taxes for his rich buddies, the nation comes under attack. At first he seems dumbfounded, but it gives him the excuse to invade some other countries that he doesn't like anyway. He lies to the people about what the real reason is for invading those countries and anybody that disagrees with him gets shouted down as being unpatriotic.

He believes that he has the power to spy on his own people and jail anybody he wants to and even to torture any prisoners he feels are a threat. While this is going on, he is trying his best to dismantle all the environmental acts that have been passed before. He is on his way toward dismantling social security and reforming medicare when the fallout from the war causes him to pull back for a bit. He goes ahead and makes many of the tax cuts permanent while increasing the national debt and cutting back on aid to the states for education and health.

He spins the truth to suit the situation and gives great sounding names to some of the programs he initiates, while all the time he is trying to give back the running of the country to the business executives and take it away from the ordinary people.

It has been a long nightmare and the memories will probably be with me the rest of my life. When you have nightmares like this, you just want to wake up to a sane and secure world and know that all is right with the world.

Please wake me up and tell me it's all been a bad dream!

Monday December 12, 2005 Why are we still there?

December 12, 2005 WASHINGTON (AP) -

Most Iraqis disapprove of the presence of U.S. forces in their country, yet they are optimistic about Iraq's future and their own personal lives, according to a new poll.
More than two-thirds of those surveyed oppose the presence of troops from the United States and its coalition partners and less than half, 44 percent, say their country is better off now than it was before the war, according to an ABC News poll conducted with Time magazine and other media partners.

_Two-thirds express confidence in the Iraqi army and in police.
_Half now say the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq was wrong, up from 39 percent in February 2004.
_More than six in 10 say they feel safe in their neighborhoods, up from 40 percent in June 2004.
_Six in 10 say local security is good, up from half in February 2004.

The leaders have asked us to leave as soon as possible. The people disapprove of our presence. WHAT ARE WE DOING THERE? WHY DO WE REMAIN?

Sunday, December 11, 2005 A victim in the making

If we think of ourselves as victims, we become victims.

If we assume that we have reached the pinnacle of our lives and cannot achieve any better, we never will progress further. There are those in this country who see themselves as outcast and downtrodden and they will carry this with them throughout their lives. On the other hand, we have people come to this country with nothing but they see opportunity to improve their lives and they work to make it happen. It does help to have money and power behind you, but it isn't essential. If you truly believe in yourself and that you will succeed, you have taken the first step toward making your life better. Life is all about choices. Many people believe that the choices are thrust upon them and that they have no choice, but if they ignore the obvious and easy choices in front of them and choose the more difficult and time consuming choice that underlies their furture, they will take charge and change their own destiny.

With diligence and hard work, you can rid yourself of debt and take back control of your finances and your own future – you must choose to do so and work to make it happen. With effort, you can start at the bottom and climb higher – you must believe in yourself and work to make it happen. Nothing will be handed to you and there is no easy way to build yourself a solid foundation without this time and effort, but it is worth it and will help you throughout your days. You will gain experience and develop that self pride that others will recognize and appreciate.

You are not a victim! You have the choice right here and right now to improve the rest of your life and make you own future.

Saturday December 10, 2005 What, me worry?

I think we take ourselves too seriously most of the time.

We keep hoping that we will have some wonderful insight about how we came to be here and what our purpose in life is. Actually, if we live a good life and bring as much joy to those around us as we can, we will have done our best. Of all the billions of people who came before us, not too many get remembered beyond a century and certainly not beyond a millenium – just a very few. All these people were here, doing their best to make a life, and yet they were soon forgotten. I think the pool is too large for us to make much of a splash or leave a very big wave behind us. Be happy if you can leave things a bit better for those you leave behind and perhaps they will remember you for a while after you have gone.

If you reached for the golden ring and failed, at least you tried. If you kept your nose to the grindstone your whole life, you missed seeing a beautiful world. Don't take yourself too seriously – just look for the joy and appreciate it when you find it.

Friday December 9, 2005 No Degrees!

There are no degrees outside!
I have one of those digital thermometers and it shows zero degrees.

Where did the degrees go?

Every other day of the year there are some degrees out there, but not today.
Did they migrate to the south with the birds?

What really bothers me now is what if we go below zero?
Do we have to borrow degrees from somewhere else?
Who would be willing to lend us some of their degrees?
Would we have to pay interest?

I went outside to get the paper and sure enough, there were no degrees out there. It's breathtaking when there are no degrees. I think I had better stay inside until somebody finds some degrees for us to share.

Stay warm.

Thursday December 8, 2005 We got snow!

We got snow yesterday, lots and lots – for us.

It ended up being about 10” of light dry snow. Not the wet stuff that you can make into snowmen. It's the light stuff that blows back over the path that you just shoveled. It packs nicely between the treads of your tires and lets them slide when you try to go or try to stop. It's too cold to sprinkle salt, so the snow will stay until the temperature rises. One thing nice about this type of snow (powder) is that it doesn't break tree limbs. It just sits there quietly and looks pretty. If you feel like it, you can wade out into the snow and take lots and lots of pictures. All of the schools around here are out for snow day. I suspect that the kids are all bundled up and sledding or sliding to their heart's content. It's a great day to sit inside and drink a cup of hot cocoa and gaze out the frosted window. Traffic is light and there's kind of a hush all over the world.

Christmas can't be far away.

Tuesday December 6, 2005 Baby, it's cold outside.

Baby, it's cold outside.

Of course, there is always comfort in knowing that it's colder someplace else – like Nome, Alaska. That always makes me feel a lot warmer! If I tell somebody how cold it is, they always have to tell some story about when it was “really” cold. That always makes me feel a lot warmer, too! Even when I'm by myself, I will look up the weather in someplace where it is worse. It's funny how you never look up where it is “better”. Someday, I can tell little children how cold I got back in the early part of this century when it was “really” cold.

At least the sun is shining. The sounds of crunchy grass is refreshing when you go outside to get the newspaper. Have you ever noticed how it becomes more silent when it gets colder. Maybe it's just my imagination, but when the temperature gets lower, it seems that the whole world withdraws into itself and hibernates, just waiting for the warmth to return. That's what I plan on doing.

Let me know when it's spring.

Monday December 5, 2005 I hate to be critical, BUT:

I hate to be critical, BUT:

It's been over 4 years since Bin-Laden's attack on New York and he is still at large.

Since May 1, 2003, when President Bush declared that major combat operations in Iraq had ended, 1,988 U.S. military members have died. Saddam is being defended by a former attorney general of the United States.

We have spent approximately 300 Billion dollars in Afghanistan and Iraq. Much more expense to come.

There were no weapons of mass destruction. There were no ties between Saddam and Al-Qaeda.

Since our invasion of Iraq the number of active terrorists in the mideast have increased.
Remember when George was first elected and we laughed when he didn't know the name of foreign leaders and he had some difficulty twisting words around and we knew that he wouldn't really be good with foreign policy, but might be all right with domestic situations. He assured us that we could reduce the taxes and still balance the budget. We keep setting deficit records. We have no hope of balancing the budget.

His track record hasn't been great – has it? Where will it end?

Sunday December 4, 2005 How can you hate people you don't even know?

I don't know you. How can I hate you? I've never met you. I probably never will meet you in my life. The people in my life that I have dealt with personally can only number in the thousands – that leaves millions and millions of you that I will never come to know. Most of you don't have any idea of who I am and how I feel, but some of you hate me just because of where I was born. Some of you hate me because of my color or race or age. How did this come to be?

Since you have never met me, it must be a learned thing. Someone in your life has taught you how to hate me, even though they or you have never met me. If we met, we could very likely learn from each other and even come to like or at least respect each other. Instead, we learn from our teachers or our leaders to hate anyone who is not like us. Anyone who doesn't think like us is evil. Only people like us are good. We know the answers and everyone else is wrong.

I think we've proved this to each other over the centuries. In the name of religion or commerce or peace, we have killed millions of each other. Here in America, we “discovered” a new world and eliminated millions of the previous inhabitants. We have fought the French, the English, the Canadians, the Mexicans, the Spanish, the Germans, the Japanese, the North Koreans, the Vietnamese, the Iraqis. Those who once we considered our enemies have since become our friends or allies and some who were once friends are now considered enemies. We have wasted the resources and lives of generations of young men for some long forgotten reasons that seemed so important then. We learned over and over to hate and fight and kill. We are taught that this is human nature.

I don't believe this!
I don't hate you – I don't even know you. You have friends and family and are concerned with providing yourself and your family the best life that you can – just like me. I don't want to take from you what is yours. I want us to share whatever we can to give us all as much comfort in this life as possible. I don't want you to take from me – but I don't mind sharing. There must be a way we can all get along and help each other. We spend so much time hating and fighting and protecting and building walls that we have little left to share. We spend our future on the machines of war when we could be helping each other and tearing down the walls.

What's wrong with us? Why can't we learn from past mistakes?

Saturday December 3, 2005 A speck of stardust

We are all companions traveling through a huge almost infinite universe on one little speck of coagulated stardust. All we have is right here on our little planet. All we can hope to ever have is right here before us.

In our efforts to make ourselves more comfortable, we have tried to reshape our earth. We have been somewhat successful and somewhat unsuccessful. Some of us are more comfortable and some of our reshaping has damaged our fragile environment. We seem bent on arguing with each other and spending more and more of our precious resources on destroying each other than helping each other. If we occupied ourselves with as much energy and effort helping our fellow companions and protecting our little planet, we might find that we indeed could have a paradise.

Someday our sun, in its throws of death, will become a red giant and its atmosphere will encompass our earth destroying whatever is left. We, in all our glory, cannot stop this from happening. Mankind will probably not survive until that time. Whatever we leave behind, whether wonderful or ugly, will be consumed by the sun. All we can hope for is to leave a better home for those that follow us so they can have some degree of comfort. We aren't doing well so far, but it isn't too late yet.

We seem to have a distorted view of our importance in this universe. We really don't matter much in the overall history of all things. We may turn out to be a very short lived species on a backwater planet out in the suburbs of a small galaxy. We may feel like the king of the hill, but we haven't seen much more than our own backyard and we are leaving a real mess there.
I hope that each of us will try to give some degree of comfort to some of our fellow companions.

Maybe we can help each other find some peace and love.

Friday December 2, 2005 Christmas is coming

Christmas is coming in just a few weeks. I remember the eager anticipation of that glorious day when I was a child. We've gotten away from the religious significance of the season and have concentrated on the commercial side of the “Holiday Season”. It has always had some of the commercial involved with the gifts, but the gifts used to be much simpler. We were more involved in the caroling and plays and decorating the Christmas tree and family get-togethers than just the amount or size of the gifts. Christmas was a time to celebrate peace and love and joy. It was a midwinter celebration of family and church and life. The season started right after Thanksgiving. Now it starts after Halloween. Now it seems to be about shopping and gifts and partying. It's not the same.

I still enjoy the season and I'm sure that young children are awed by the festivities. I would think that the children would become more jaded as they grow up and figure out that it is now a commercial venture. We just use the Holiday as an excuse to over indulge our senses with very little thought of why we are doing so.

Even so, I do wish everyone a Merry and Peaceful Christmas filled with love and family and maybe even a gift or two. Hopefully the peace and love will carry over into the new year that follows.

Wednesday November 30, 2005 Different Priorities

I was reading in the paper this morning that the Bush administration has asked for an additional 3.9 billion dollars for next year to help train and equip Iraqi troops. This is on top of the 10.6 billion dollars that lawmakers have already approved to rebuild Iraq's security forces.
In the same paper american college students were worried about the 14 billion dollar cuts over the next 5 years ito the federal student financial aid program. With this cut, many students may not be able to afford college in the coming years.

We are cutting school aid, we are cutting medical aid to the poor, we are reducing federal aid to the states while we are piling on the cost for an unnecessary war. Our congress is trying to reduce the budget by cutting as many programs as possible while, at the same time, our war costs escalate in dollars and lives.

It's infuriating that the people we have chosen to lead us can't see beyond the noses on their faces. I have no idea what the real reason was for this invasion of another country, but the reasons we were told proved to be untrue and possibly fabricated. We are mired in another country with nothing to gain but pain and enemies. We have turned the world against us and have proven to be the biggest bully on the planet.

I guess my priorities are different than our leaders.

Tuesday November 29, 2005 Enjoy the trip!

Are we there yet?

Children on a trip are so concentrated on the destination that they don't enjoy the trip. The world is passing you by each and every day. There are moments in each day to be savored and enjoyed and treasured. Too often we, like the children, become so focused on the goal that we have set that we forget to enjoy the moments passing by.

You spend so much time as a youth preparing for your life. Then you spend so much time acquiring and establishing a home and career. Then you have so much time to prepare for retirement. Then you have so much time to prepare for the end. It seems that we are continually packing our bags and preparing to move on to the next step or next adventure or next goal that we overlook something very precious – the moments of our lives that we are living right now. This particular moment with these particular surroundings and these fellow companions will never exist again – it is a rare and unique event that can be enjoyed fully or completely overlooked.

Enjoy the trip.

Saturday November 25, 2005 Minnesota winters

We were just talking about my wonderful foolish relatives up in frozen Minnesota. They actually think that winter is fun and they even look forward to it. We folks down here is slushy Missouri don't really understand what winter is. To us winter is sometimes sunny, sometimes cloudy, sometimes cold, sometimes warm, sometimes rainy, sometimes dry, sometimes snowy, sometimes icy and sometimes slushy. We don't know how to dress appropriately until the day arrives. We wonder if we have to shovel or if we can wait for the driveway to melt. It's very confusing down here. Up there they KNOW when winter has arrived and they KNOW that it is going to stay until the thaw. I think they enjoy the winter because you can be outside without any mosquitoes. But winter picnics have to be really frigid. I suppose once you get numb the wind chill doesn't bother you as much. I know many Minnesotans enjoy ice skating and ice fishing and snow mobiling and other such frolics in the winter. It's okay, they are really nice people. They have been trapped up there in the snow way too long – that's all.

Down here in slushy Missouri, we endure the confusion of winter just waiting for the spring that comes much earlier than up in Minnesota. That way we can mow grass for months and months.

Saturday November 26, 2005 Lost thoughts

Thoughts flicker!

(I must remember this thought) but they get forgotten before they can be expressed on paper. I wonder how many truly great thoughts and solutions have been lost over all the years. We'll never know, but I suspect that some of those lost thoughts were well worth preserving.

Sigh!

Friday November 25, 2005 Burp!

Thanksgiving is a wonderful time to spend with your family. There really isn't much else to do but sit down and eat and eat and eat. My problem is that everyone in my family is a great cook and when we get together there is just too much good food not to try at least some of everything. Unfortunately we fix enough food to last until Christmas so we prepare for hibernation by indulging to our stomach's displeasure. Way too much! But it was nice to get together and be with loved ones and to be thankful for all the blessings we have.

I just wish that everyone could be as blessed as I have been.

Wednesday November 16, 2005 Photos of the past

Photos are pictures of the past.

I was sorting through the pictures I had scanned into my computer, separating the various years into different folders. The years and events fade into the past and yet the photos bring back a memory of the moment or the person as if no time had passed. Time passes so quickly and people we once knew are no longer here and places we have been are no longer the same, and yet the memory lingers fresh and new just waiting to be relived in our minds. Time has a way of taking off the sharp edges off of memories. The bad times don't seem quite so bad and the good times seem tinged with gold.

It's nice to look back occasionally just to see where you have been and to help focus on what's important in the future.

Thursday November 10, 2005 To my friends at Builders Steel

To my friends at Builders Steel

How are you this bright and cheery morning?

It's been a while since last we met. I can tell you truthfully that although I miss your friendly faces and the great conversations we used to have, I don't miss the pressure at all. Retirement is a frame of mind that you must sink into. You really need to get comfortable with yourself and your surroundings and rediscover your personal interests. While you worked the center of your interests and scheduling was mostly concerned with the job, except for weekends and vacations. You put off many of your own interests and hobbies until some future date. For me that date has arrived. It takes a while to realize that you now have the freedom to do whatever you have the inclination or desire to do. You were so used to keeping a list of functions you had to perform and your time had to be structured to allow you to finish those functions on time. With retirement, there is no list or structuring or time requirement that you have to complete. You are free to be yourself and approach the day freely discovering what new and exciting things there are to be seen and enjoyed each and every day.

Many people, including me, when they first retire rush around trying to accomplish this and that and hate to waste a day. They are still in the “vacation from work mode” where you only have so many days to enjoy and must get the most out of every day. After a while you realize that you can afford the luxury of taking a whole day off without accomplishing a single thing and not feel guilty about it. At that point you have accepted retirement and are ready to greet the natural world about you.

I feel good about the years I spent with you and what we accomplished together. I will carry all of you pleasantly in my memories as I watch the passing of the seasons and explore who I have become and what lies ahead for me. Someday you will each reach your retirement and I hope you won't look forward with trepidation, but with anticipation. It's a great world out here and there is much beauty and much joy to discover.

I wish you health and happiness.

Tuesday November 1, 2005 Dad's Birthday

November 1, 2005
Dad would have been 90 years old today. I still miss him, but I don't begrudge his passing away in the manner he did. He suffered a little pain at the end but it wasn't overwhelming and his end came quickly with his family about him. He did well living that long and left fond and loving memories. He had a good life.

I was looking back over my life to see if I had any regrets. I have been blessed with a loving family throughout my entire life and this has been a great comfort to me always.
I have felt sorrow for many years that my marriage didn't survive, but there were compensations that arose after the divorce that I wouldn't have suspected. I was able to quit playing roles and look into myself and find out what was really important to me. Career became less important than family. Because I was alone and free, I was able to start up a loving relationship with my younger brother that wouldn't have been possible otherwise. I was able to spend much more time with my sisters and became much closer to them. When I moved in to help the folks, I was able to develop a deep and meaningful friendship with mom and dad. We were able to lean on each other for support and love. It was a rare opportunity that wouldn't have been possible without the events that lead up to that time. I wouldn't have been able to take my camping trip around the United States if I had remained married. The divorce enabled me to really be free to know myself and to know my family members more than otherwise possible. As time passed I feel that my daughters and I have passed beyond the father/daughter relationship into a much deeper friendship. We are able to trust and share with each other as loving friends who really care.

In summary, even though things didn't turn out like I had planned, my life has been a success and I have great memories and am surrounded by loving and caring family. Who could ask for anything more?

Monday October 31, 2005 Another bloody month

90 young men died this month in Iraq bringing the total deaths to 2,024.

Our war in Iraq, our war against drugs, our war on poverty all have something in common: they continue without success. We are great at starting but are poor at finishing. These young men were asked to sacrifice their all and they trusted their leaders to make sure their sacrifice was in a good cause. They accepted their orders in good faith that what they were asked to do would help protect their families and their country. We need to make sure that their efforts aren't wasted in a wrongful cause.

We have discovered that the initial reasons we were given that resulted in our preemptive invasion of Iraq were flawed, perhaps misleading and maybe even prepared lies to insure that the war would take place. The emphasis has shifted since the invasion took place and now the words are all about bringing freedom to the people of the region. Many of the people of the region are killing us and don't seem to appreciate the freedom we have brought them. Perhaps we shouldn't be there.

The question that still lingers in my mind is: If it truly wasn't about weapons of mass destruction and imminent danger, what was it truly about? Was it revenge directed toward Saddam? Was it all about the oil? I don't believe that it was about bringing freedom to the people, otherwise we would invade North Korea or some of the countries in Africa where people are really suppressed. What other reason to invade Iraq other than the assets they had that other countries didn't have?

How many more young men will sacrifice before we decide that this really isn't worth it?

Wednesday October 26, 2005 What, me worry?

As my daughter so aptly expressed: The only person who can make you happy is yourself. There is deep meaning in this phrase and it is absolutely true. No matter what trials and travails you face in your life, it is up to you how these circumstances affect you. You can wallow in the mire and say "Poor me!" or you can look to the hope of a brighter future. As long as you keep looking forward and try to find the joy in the moment, you will have a good life with few regrets. It's easy to forget this when a tragedy strikes nearby, but it is essential for you to keep your head up and keep on going. Many songs and many poems have said this basic truth over and over again and we all, at times, seem to overlook it. We get so concerned with the bump in the road that we forget to see where the road is leading us.

I have always considered myself to be a "lucky" individual and much of this is due to looking for the good in each situation that confronts me. Life can be very interesting and the path you eventually wind up traveling isn't always the path you thought you were going to follow, but it brought you to here and you have choices from here on out which way to go.

Friday October 21, 2005 A bit of my history

Many years ago, when I was young, naïve and very foolish, I fell deeply and completely in love with a wonderful girl. We were 20 and 18 when we married. We had little idea of what it took to make a life, but we willingly took our chances and started on the path. We played the roles that we thought society demanded of us. We looked to others for examples and followed as best we could, with little instruction and less introspection of what we really wanted.

I was willing to sacrifice whatever it took to make our marriage work. I set aside my family, my education, my friends in order to devote myself to us. My goals for future career had to change to fit the circumstances and I made the most of what I was able to do at the time. All that mattered to me was our love and our future together.

I worked hard at the opportunity at work that was available and advanced as far as I was allowed to. We had two daughters and we bought a house and worked to make it our home. I thought that we had done well to establish ourselves and that we had a plan for the future.

All that fell apart when my wife asked me to leave our home so that she would have time to sort out her thoughts and feelings. I was apparently oblivious to her unhappiness with our life together. I thought all was right with the world, but not so for her. We had had no discussions about this, so it was a surprise to me. I was dazed and confused when I moved in with my folks temporarily. During that time, I offered to go to counseling with her, but she said that I could go if I wanted, but she didn't need or want it. She was visiting a psychiatrist at the time. Within a few weeks, she had filed for divorce. I was dumbfounded and very hurt and confused by this. I offered to sleep in the basement while we worked out any problems, but she wanted me out of her life. I talked to her psychiatrist and he told me that I couldn't make her love me, no matter how hard I tried. When I talked to her about that, she told me that she had never really loved me, but that I was a way to get away from her father. She told me that I was a good husband and a good father but she couldn't live with me any more. When she told me that, it hit like a ton of bricks. I was completely destroyed. I loved her with all my soul and she didn't want me in her life any more. Where was I to go and what was I to do?

We were married 13 years when the divorce was granted. I could have fought and stalled but I wanted her to be happy and there was a burning hope deep inside that we might someday reconcile. I was an empty shell for a long time after that. It felt like my whole life had fallen apart. I had lost the love of my life, my daughters, my home, my dogs – everything I had worked for. I tried very hard to keep contact with the girls steady after that so they would know that I still loved them and that they were not involved in the problem. All direction was gone from my life at that time – my goals and efforts had been so finely focused on our marriage and our future and now I had to refocus on something else. I focused on the girls and on my family who gave me much support during those difficult years.

All of a sudden my career and advancement wasn't of such major importance without someone to share the gains. I had a few years of wandering and waiting and enduring the loneliness and despair to pass through. Eventually, I bought a townhouse and decorated it, but got little satisfaction from that. When Mom had her larynx removed due to throat cancer, I moved home with her and Dad to give as much help as I could. I was able to focus on helping them. After she adapted to this loss and she and dad seemed to be getting along pretty well, I quit work and traveled about the country to help me see things more clearly. It helped me become more content with myself and with what life had brought to me. I became closer to my daughters during this time. After the trip, I settled down at home with mom and dad and work. After mom died, my focus switched to my father. We became very close friends, leaning on each other for support and counsel. We took some trips together and watched out for each other.

Dad died this year and I find myself alone again. My daughters have become my friends, but they have married and moved away. My sisters and brother are very close friends and we get together every week. I retired early last year, partly to help dad as his health was slipping. I also thought we might be able to get in a few more trips before his health failed completely. His death came quickly and with a minimum of pain to him. Now I have the daunting challenge of refocusing on something else. I'm not sure yet upon what or who to focus, but I'm hopeful that time will provide an answer. Right now I know that I face some time of despair and loneliness again.

I have my family, who love me, to lean on and that helps when the anguish builds up inside, but it doesn't fill that empty kernel down deep inside that yearns to share. In my quest for self, I had learned that doing for others and giving to others gave me the most joy. I didn't need wealth or power or “things” to make me happy – I needed to share myself with someone who cared. Seeing the joy I could bring to a loved one gave me the greatest pleasure. This is what I search for in my life – to help my loved ones when I can and to bring them joy.

I also found out that you can't destroy love. Once you really love someone, you can't just turn it off. No matter what they do, you still love them. I still love all the people I have ever loved. I now try to limit my love to people that I trust – this helps avoid the deep pain when the people you love turn away.

They say that time heals all wounds, but I'm not sure about that. With time, wounds will build up some pretty tough scar tissue, but the memory and the scar of the wound is always there.

Wednesday October 12, 2005 Albuquerque Ballon Fiesta

It was cloudy and cool, but it was spectacular. Every year they have a baloon fiesta in early October with hundreds of baloons and it is a sight to see. People come from all over the world to see this event. The field is about 4 football fields long with a walkway and concession stands along the full length. There are hundreds of picnic benches set out for people to sit at and there are large grassy areas where people can spread out their blankets and have a picnic. In the morning, they have a mass ascension right after sunrise. In the evening, they have an evening glow where hundreds of baloons are tethered, but lit up with the glow of their burners.

The people in Albuquerque are very nice and the event is well organized. There were over a million visitors during the 10 days of the event. Well worth watching!

Monday October 3, 2005 Hello from sunny New Mexico

The only problem with New Mexico is all that air pollution - the sky is full of baloons!

It's time for their annual baloon festival. Each day for a10 days there are about 700 baloons that lift into the air - mostly in the morning when the wind is slight. At night, they keep the baloons tethered but light them up with their hot air jets. They also have fireworks. Thousands of people from all over the world come to see this event and the traffic can be quite heavy. Each morning from my daughter's patio we can look out toward the mountains and watch the baloons drift above the city. They have different shapes and colors. It looks really peaceful watching the baloons slowly rise and drift along then descend. With little wind, even the landings are nice. We watched a baloon descend onto a school soccer field right next to the highway and it came down gently with the basket staying upright until they started letting the air out of the baloon. Weather is nice this time of the year. Highs in the upper 70s and lows in the mid 50s - low humidity - very pleasant. Many of the homes here are built in the adobe style with block walls covered with stucco and flat roofs. The block/stucco construction really helps moderate the inside temperatures of the homes. Debb's home seems to stay in the low 70s day and night without the need for heating or cooling at this time of the year. The aridity and lack of forests is quite a difference from Kansas City, but they have the advantage of not having to care for a yard of grass - most houses have rocks and shrubs that are native to the area and need little water.
At night the sky is clear and the stars are clearly visible (the city trys very hard to control light pollution). You can stand outside at night and see the Milky Way. It's a great place to visit.

Monday September 26, 2005 Another week begins

How are you this bright and cheery day? What new and exciting thing is happening?

It's Monday and another week has begun. I used to really dread Mondays - it was time to sacrifice myself to the necessity of making a living. It was time to turn away from the joys of the weekend and return to the drudgery of work. And then I discovered that It was only a matter of changing my opinion and revising my attitude to make Mondays joyful. I started asking my fellow workers how they were this bright and cheery day and they eventually responded cheerfully. It took a while for all of us to start to enjoy each others company and to think of work as a place of friendship and sharing. We were all in the same situation of needing to work in order to survive and we had all chosen to work where we were because of circumstance or availability. We figured that if we really hated working there we should move on to greener pastures but since we had chosen to stay we had only to set our minds to finding the joy of working together. Once you break through the hard shell that we all assume for our own protection and start to trust and enjoy and empathize with those around you, you can find true friendship. When you are working with friends and sharing a large portion of your life with them, work takes on a greater meaning and life becomes more enjoyable.

I hope you all stay happy and healthy and enjoy each precious moment.

Wednesday September 21, 2005 The last day of summer

The last day of summer.

It was nice while it lasted, but school has started and football is upon us and it's now time for the leaves to turn. We're getting our last gasp of hot summer weather and I'm looking forward to cooler weather. Fall has pleasant memories for me. I remember the rustle of leaves and the rekindling of school friendships after the leisure of summer. It was time to learn new facts and to grow just a bit older in a higher grade in school. I remember the smell of burning leaves in the gutters along our block. Everyone would rake their leaves into big piles at the curb and then burn them under a watchful eye. We kids loved to jump into the piles of leaves. The colors of autumn were bright and I loved to watch the leaves float to the ground. It seemed that the sky was bright and clear in autumn – you could look up through the brightly colored leaves to see a brilliant blue sky above. In our neighborhood, we played touch football in the street (not much daytime traffic then on the side streets). You could only get 2 or 3 players on each team so you didn't need much room. It seemed that we walked to and from school in large groups. The older kids hung out together but looked out for the younger ones. Grade school was only 5 block away, so I could walk home for lunch. Fall wasn't very stressful. It was a time of harvest – apples and pumpkins and the last of the tomatos. After a summer of heat (no air conditioning back then), the cooler weather was welcome. There were more pleasant smells coming from the kitchen (with the heat gone, you could once more bake and can).
Vacations were over and everyone seemed ready to buckle down to another season of study and work. It was nice to enjoy the autumn evenings (not so hot and before you had to close up everything for winter). Looking forward to Halloween and Thanksgiving and eventually Christmas – but that's a long, long time from now.

Tuesday September 13, 2005 Don't put it off

I never really planned on living as long as I have. I am now almost 64 years old. Looking back at my ancestry, I see that many of my relatives lived into their 70s. On my father's side, they lived into their 80s. I figured, with the extra weight that I've carried over all these years, that I would be lucky to make it to retirement. With that in mind, I enjoyed as much as I could when I was able. The trip around the United States in 1983 was one of the highlights of my life, and I'm glad that I didn't put it off. I'm also glad that I got the chance to do things for my folks as they got older – it really brought me closer to them. We became great friends. I've tried to keep a close bond with my daughters and my sisters and brother. I've tried to keep an ongoing dialog with my cousins. With just a minimum of effort you gain a lifetime of friendship. Much of all this that I have gained is due to the expectation that I wouldn't have an extended lifetime and couldn't put things off until later. Whether I pass out of this life now or 20 years from now, I know that I have enjoyed the time that I have had. I have seen many loved ones face old age and infirmity and oncoming death and have seen the quiet acceptance that they come to have. I can appreciate their feelings, for I know that I will have no regrets left behind when I pass into the light. Looking back over my life, I find that I have loved almost everyone whom I've come to know. There were just a few people who were unlovable, but they were excusable - they just didn't know what life was really about. Life is about giving and sharing and loving and building memories for yourself and others. When it's all over, that's all that's left – the feelings and the memories. Thanks to all the friends and relatives in my life, I have felt great love and have great memories. I've tried to leave them with pleasant memories of me.

It's been a great life.

Thursday September 8, 2005 Check out the recipes

Enough already about politics. It's time to think about something really important - like food!

I am constantly on the lookout for meals that taste great and are easy to prepare. I don't want to spend all day to fix a meal that will disappear in minutes. But, I do want a meal that tastes like it took all day. I don't mind fising food that cooks for hours but just takes minutes to prepare. With that in mind, I have collected many of my favorite recipes and decided to put them on my new blog linked to this one: bobsrecipes.blogspot.com. If your tastes are similar to mine, you will enjoy. I'll add others in time.

Wednesday September 7, 2005 And the beat goes on.

Let me investigate myself and see if I did anything wrong.

Nope! I did the best I could and if that's not good enough, then too bad. Besides, I can't think of any mistakes I've made over the past 4 years.

But, maybe someone else around me made a mistake. Yeah, that's it! Someone else made a mistake without me knowing about it. We'll just have to look around and find out who is really guilty. It sure couldn't be me. After all, the buck stops somewhere else. I just tell my people to handle it, handle it. That leaves me time to do what's important to me. I don't have time for the details or for the little people. I handle the BIG problems and work with the IMPORTANT people.

Trust me, would I lie to you?

Maybe I can line up a few more photo ops and make the little people feel better. Where is my flight suit? Give me a bull horn!

Durn, this will set back my overhaul of taxes and social security. It will be hard to give all those tax breaks to my friends when we have to spend money to help these Katrina victims. What do you mean when you say we have to INCREASE medicaid to help the refugees? I just got through getting that cut!

Let's see how we can put a spin on this to make us look better. We need to get our poll numbers up to help keep control. Maybe I could go down and have my secret service agents help pull people to safety while I hand them a towel. No, too much chance of getting shot by those angry young men. I sure wish mom hadn't said how the astrodome was a step up for some of the people. That makes us look out of touch with the little people. Maybe I could get out the chain saw and help cut some of the downed trees – yeah, that would be a great photo op. The people could see how hard I was working with my sleeves rolled up and everything. Let's see Hillary top that!

And the beat goes on.

Sunday September 4, 2005 It's a bit scary out there.

It's a bit scary knowing that our leaders seem to have no ability to preplan. What, me worry? Why worry about the national debt? It will take care of itself in the future. Why worry about an exit strategy for Iraq? We'll win and go home. Why worry about the aftermath of a hurricane until it has passed.

What's going to happen if terrorists attack some urban center with biological or chemical weapons? Will we just have meetings and wring our hands for a while before trying to help those who survived? It's not like we haven't had warnings. It's not an unexpected event. We had to know that someday a hurricane was going to hit New Orleans. Someday a volcano will blow near a major town. Someday an earthquake will strike a city. Someday another tsunami will hit our shores. We know this!

Is this the best we can do to help our own people?

We're getting help from poorer countries all over the world. They have to be wondering why we aren't faster in response. The terrorists will be watching this response and it will help them decide their next type of attack.

As the hurricane was approaching, I heard analysts assessing the levee system at New Orleans. They said that it was only designed for a category 3 hurricane at best. They said that it wasn't worth the additional billion or so to beef it up to handle more. The corps of engineers budget has been cut over the last few years, so their hands were tied. It should have been no surprise when the levee failed and the town flooded! It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that a town below sea level might get flooded.

When I was a child, we had fire drills in school. In my area they test the tornado warning system and people know to take cover in basements. Was there no thought given to the population along the coast and no preparation for anticipated catastrophe?

What are our leaders for, except to help us protect ourselves and provide for the common good? What happens next time?

Thursday September 1, 2005 Repeating?

I seem to be repeating myself on my blog.

Looking back over the months, I see a recurring theme of time passing more quickly and building memories mentioned.

I guess that I'm just more aware of the passing of time and events now than I was when I was younger. I have seen loved ones, while in the process of leaving this life, mentioning how short life is and how time flies by more quickly with the passing of years. When you have a myriad of wonderful memories to look back on, it's hard not to occasionally reflect. You spend more and more time looking back on what you have enjoyed and experienced than you do in looking ahead to new experiences. If you have enjoyed your life and haven't put off adventures, then there is a feeling of “Been there, Done that” that comes back to many new, but similar experiences. “The mind is willing, but the spirit is weak” takes on new meaning as you get older. The willingness to risk and recover is greater when you are young. Sometimes when you look back on some of the risks you took, you marvel at your good fortune to have survived. With age comes a bit of wisdom and a reluctance to risk it all for a thrill.

I'm a bit calmer now and a lot more patient. I don't feel the need to prove myself to anyone. I'm comfortable with what I've done with my life and where I am right now. I'm willing to find new adventures, but not actively pursuing them. I get a vicarious satisfaction by watching the adventures of my daughters and son-in-laws as they progress through life. Each person has their own set of adventures, trials and tribulations to enjoy or endure. It's interesting to see how different people handle their own particular set of circumstances. In the end, they wind up where they have brought themselves and hopefully they have gained wisdom and strength and built memories in the process.

Wednesday August 31, 2005 Time passes

Time is so long when you are young. An hour can be an eternity. A day can be a series of great adventures. A week, a month, a summer, a school year can be so far in the future that a young child will not even stop to consider them. Looking forward, time stretches out forever until you're an old person of maybe 30.

Time is so short when you get older. It's funny how the term “old” takes on different meaning as you get older. Old used to be 30 then 40 and seemed to move up decade by decade. When you know that you are looking back on more than you have to look forward to, you are on the downward slide. Years fly by. Decades may be hard to crystallize in your thoughts looking back. The past is so full of memories that crowd in upon one another that you have a hard time distinguishing the time line of events.

Suddenly the summer is over and you face another winter. All the best plans of all that you were hoping to accomplish will have to wait for another time. It's not sad to see the seasons and years pass by so quickly. You get comfortable with yourself and your surroundings and you have your friends and family and you have your memories that you built back when time was unending and stretched out forever.

If you're fortunate, you didn't waste too much of your youth and enjoyed each day as it passed. It doesn't take much to notice just one thing each day that makes that day different from all the others.

Tuesday August 30, 2005 Another thought entirely

A long, long time ago, in the middle of a divorce, I had to rethink my priorities and replan my life. I had to analyze myself and determine what was really important for the rest of my life. I was very low at that point. I had lost my wife, my children, my home and all that I had been working for prior to then. I needed to refocus.

After much soul-searching I determined that there were several core elements in my life which would not change. You always will have your family, if you work to keep that bond alive. Friends come and go and life changes many aspects of our lives, but family is always there to care for and care about. I also determined that “things” acquired throughout your life don't really matter. You accumulate many “things” during your life and eventually have to discard most of them. They really didn't matter. They gave you temporary happiness that soon disappeared. What really gave me the most satisfaction was to bring joy into someone else's life. When they had joy, I had joy. The memories of the joy you give sustain you. Those memories won't be discarded. They are treasures you can enjoy the rest of your life. When you give joy, you are really giving of yourself and you create a link between yourself and someone else. People like to share joy – they are just afraid of being taken advantage of or or “owing” a payback favor. When I try to bring happiness to someone else, I make sure that they understand that there are no strings attached. I give freely and expect nothing. My reward is in making someone happy.

Unfortunately, this isn't true for all people. Some people only feel happy when they “win”. Winning for them may be acquiring wealth, or strength, or power. If they only could realize that wealth and strength and power fade away with the years. All you end up with is memories. Happy memories and friends and family make life worthwhile.

I didn't try to amass wealth. I set out to love and protect and care for my family (daughters, parents, sisters and brothers, aunts and uncles, cousins, etc). Over the years, I feel that we have all shared much joy and our relationships are strong and loving. It turned out that I lost what I had been working for but found much more. I have many great memories.

Tuesday August 30, 2005 The Rich get richer.

While we spend Billions on an unneeded war and throw Billions into pork-barrel projects and reduce taxes for the super-wealthy, look what happens to millions of our fellow citizens. The rich do get richer and poverty spreads. Think about this the next time you hear about tax cuts for the wealthy. Is this what we are about?

You read stuff like the following and it makes you mad. Where are our values and priorities? Obviously, they aren't where I believe they should be.

Associated Press

WASHINGTON - The nation's poverty rate rose to 12.7 percent of the population last year, the fourth consecutive annual increase, the Census Bureau said Tuesday.

The percentage of people without health insurance did not change.
Overall, there were 37 million people living in poverty, up 1.1 million people from 2003.
The number of people without health insurance grew from 45 million to 45.8 million.
Regionally, income declined only in the Midwest, down 2.8 percent.

Tim Smeeding, an economics professor at the Maxwell School of Syracuse University, says the nation has experienced a shift from earnings income to capital income and capital gains, which aren't reflected in the Census Bureau's latest numbers.

"Most of that growth in the economy over the last couple of years has gone to higher income people and has taken the form of capital income - interest, rents, dividends," Smeeding said.


From the Kansas City Star:

It was standing room only Monday in Truman Medical Center’s financial counseling center as the main health provider for the area’s poor made cuts in services.

The changes include the elimination of the hospital’s prescription assistance program and the requirement that nonemergency patients who live outside Kansas City or Jackson County make a down payment on their anticipated bill and commit to paying the balance. And Truman eliminated dental services at its Lakewood facility for adult patients who lack dental coverage, unless they work out a payment plan in advance.

And it’s possible the counseling center will become more hectic as cuts in Missouri Medicaid take effect Thursday, said Shelly Phinney, corporate manager of Truman’s financial counseling center.

More than 300,000 Missourians are expected to be affected by those changes, which include the elimination of adult dental coverage, a reduction in rehabilitation services and changes in Medicaid coverage for children.

Friday August 26, 2005 The news says it all

I can't help it. The war in Iraq is constantly on the TV, radio, internet and in the newspaper. It's really getting me down. Excuse me if I vent some of my frustrations here in this blog. It just provides an outlet for some of the thoughts rolling around in my mind.


The news says it all. Did we liberate the people or did we just try to liberate the oil? Are we liberators or occupiers? How badly do the people in that area want us to be there? Was it worth all the effort? How long will we stay and how many more lives will it cost?

“Saddam's family announced in Jordan on Aug. 8 that they had dismissed the 1,500-member Arab and Western defense team. Saddam Hussein has fired his legal defense team except for an Iraqi attorney who is the only person authorized to represent him, a court said Wednesday. On Friday, thousands of protesters in Baquba north of Baghdad took to the streets in support of deposed dictator Saddam Hussein, who now awaits trial in jail.”

“Sunnis, loudly denouncing the constitution, could block it with a two-thirds "No" vote in three of Iraq's 18 provinces, ruining U.S. plans for Iraq's future.”

“Although the talking continues, Sunni leaders have already began mobilizing their community in central and western Iraq to vote against the charter. “

“Insurgents sabotaged an exporting oil well on Friday, stepping up pressure on the U.S.-backed government facing a relentless Sunni-led insurgency. “

“In a familiar scene in a country with the world's third largest oil reserves, flames threatened to halt output from the well, which pumps 7,000 to 10,000 barrels per day and feeds a pipeline to Turkey. “

“Some Shi'ites, notably the young and influential cleric Moqtada al-Sadr, have joined Sunnis against the charter and deadly clashes on Wednesday night between his Mehdi Army militia and pro-government Shi'ite groups fueled to the tensions. “

“Bush has been insistent that Iraqis stick to a timetable for democracy set down under U.S. supervision last year, as part of an overall plan to reduce U.S. troop numbers in Iraq where they face a relentless Sunni-led insurgency. “

“As the calls for setting a deadline to withdraw US troops from Iraq grow louder a top American army general said in an interview that the army is planning for the possibility of keeping the current number of soldiers in Iraq — well over 100,000 — for four more years. “

“Uzbekistan on Friday put further pressure on the United States to withdraw troops from an air base near the Afghan border with a parliamentary vote demanding that the American military go home. “

When you put it all together, it seems like we will be going around in circles without ever getting anywhere for years to come. It was a noble thought to bring capitalism and some form of democracy to other areas of the world, but they just might not want our form of government or our type of society. Are we just ramming our ideals down their throats?

Saturday August 20, 2005 Mistake

He still won't admit a mistake.

It's inconceivable that he still holds to his original thought that this war is a good thing to do. Each additional step we take in the muck sinks us deeper. If we don't admit that we took a bad step in the wrong direction, then we'll continue onward further and further into the mire. We need to look about us to see that we are indeed going in the wrong direction and change course.

You need a leader big enough to admit that we made a misstep who will lead us out.

The trouble is we know that our leader is probably a good man and hopefully didn't lead us in the wrong direction on purpose. The troops keep following him blindly and we keep losing our boys to death and dismemberment. What does it take to see the light?

We know now that there were NO weapons of mass destruction. We know now that
al-qaida wasn't based in Iraq and that Saddam had no connections with al-qaida. He was no threat to the United States. Most of the insurgents in Iraq that are killing our boys are coming in from other countries. The Arabs now look at us occupiers, not liberators. We are building bases and maintaining forces and apparently plan on doing so for many years to come. Our presence aids in the terrorist's recruitment.

Osama came out of Saudi-Arabia and operated out of Afghanistan. The hijackers were from Saudi-Arabia. We have not yet captured Osama, even though we have had years and millions of man hours to do so. Somewhere along the line our priorities got mixed up and we lost our focus. We keep talking about terrorists and Iraq in the same breath, but we created the situation there. The terrorists that we need to find are somewhere else.

Iraq was a mistake. Let's go after Osama.

Thursday August 18, 2005 Relief is in the air

My home air conditioner was on the fritz over the weekend and couldn't be attended to until Monday. Luckily, a cool front came through and it stayed in the high 70s and low 80s outside. My house is really set up to hold the heat or cool. While it was cool outside, inside it was 10-20 degrees warmer. I had to really work at raising a few windows/storms/screens that hadn't been opened in many a year. But with floor fans and open windows, it was tolerable. Now that the air conditioning is fixed, I realize how spoiled I have become. When I was a kid I could run and play anytime of the year and never even notice the weather. Now that I'm older and wiser, my body has adapted to conditioned air and lets me know when it's too hot or too cold to go outside. Today it was 95 and very steamy outside but comfortably cool inside. I like it!
There's nothing wrong with being spoiled, is there?

I'm ready for fall now. It can come any time now.

I heard from one of my cousins in Minnesota today and she mentioned that fall is in the air already up there. They have very short seasons except for winter - it lasts a long time. They really seem to enjoy winter and snow and ice. Once it comes, it stays - none of the slush and salt that we end up with down here. Up there you can really use skis or snowmobiles or ice houses on the lakes. Here you just slush along and wait for spring rains and mud. Oh well, no place can be perfect. I'll just sit back and enjoy my conditioned air and see what the seasons bring.

Saturday, August 13, 2005 Daughters

I need to tell the world about my daughters. I have two daughters, each different and each wonderful in her own right. I have so much pride in these two women and who they have become, that words fail me. My life has been enhanced and improved just by their presence and their love.

Deborah inspires me. She has the intelligence and ability to deal with just about any problem that comes her way. She cares deeply about the world and the people around her and has always had a difficult time dealing with careless and stupid people. She has overcome that difficulty and now knows how to work with people who don't understand. She is able to bring out the best in most of those around her. She has quick wit and quick understanding – she will often anticipate the end of your sentence before you get there. She is a beautiful person, inside and out. She is loyal and faithful and true. She is a very real person and is exactly who she presents herself to be. She is truthful but won't hit you over the head with the truth. There is no vindictiveness in her. What a wonderful person to have as a friend and daughter!

Beth is my younger daughter. She has always struggled in the shadow of her outgoing older sister. She is shy, but loving. She tends to denigrate herself, when actually she has a great deal of intelligence and understanding. She is kind and really cares about the people she has accepted into her life. At times, she seems amazed when she shows her intelligence or her poise and people look to her with admiration. Slowly, she is developing pride in herself and her accomplishments. Someday, she will have to acknowledge, as I do, that she is a wonderful person and deserves the best in life. Everyone who meets her, loves her. She also has learned much about herself and her feelings over the years and is a real person without airs. She is my friend.

I love my daughters and I am so proud of who they have become. I look forward to sharing their friendship in the years to come.

Friday August 12, 2005 What, no air conditioning?!

I remember my childhood days before home air conditioners were available. It was all you could do just to lie about and not get hot. You would run through the sprinkler in the backyard or you would soak in a tub of cool water. You would have every window and door in the house open (all with screens, of course) and you would sit in front of a fan if at all possible. At night, we would sometimes sleep out on the front porch after it got dark - it was cooler. Later, we got some window fans and dad put in a big attic fan that would blow the hot air out and the curtains would stand straight out from the windows letting in the cooler night air. One summer, when it stayed above 100 for days, we got a large block of ice and put it in a bucket in front of a floor fan and just sat there letting the cool moist air brush across us.

What brought this to mind is the fact that my home air conditioner seems to be taking a vacation right now. Yesterday when it got to be 100 outside, it got to be 85 inside. This morning it was 77 outside and 80 inside. The air conditioner has been running full blast without having any effect. I've called for help, but it will be several days. I'll just have to pray for rain or go for long drives in an air conditioned car. It's amazing how spoiled we have become. We have made our homes so airtight and buttoned up to help hold in the cool or heat that we don't have the screens or fans that we used to have. I could run through the sprinkler, but I would feel a bit silly at my age. If I sat in a cold bucket, it would be just my luck to get stuck - not a pretty picture.

With the house sealed up, you lose the sounds and feel of summer. I remember the crickets and the locusts. Remember the lightening bugs? You could hear the summer wind through the trees and you could smell the freshly cut grass. The earth was warm, but the grass was soft. Now we shut those senses off as we button down and turn on the air conditioner. Now all you hear is the sound of the furnace fan or the refrigerator or the television blaring. You gain the cool but you give up some part of living with nature.

Come winter, this will seem like a silly thing to have worried about as we wrap ourselves up in another blanket to keep warm.

Tuesday August 9, 2005 Dog Days

I'm sitting here in my kitchen looking out on the parched earth where once I had a lush lawn. The digital thermometer reads 99.9 degrees F and my central air is having a hard time getting the internal temperature down below the 80s. These must be the dog days of summer that everyone refers to. Fortunately, here in the midwest, when the temperature goes up so does the humidity so the news keeps broadcasting the Heat Index. That really helps me feel better knowing that the heat index will fry your brain in a much shorter time today. One good thing about the heat and humidity - it keeps the tornadoes and floods at bay. Nothing much moves when it gets this hot. Even the parched leaves on the trees hang limply waiting for a refreshing breeze. Maybe my daughter, who lives in New Mexico, is right. She tells me that even when it gets in the 90s and 100s, it's really not so hot because the humidity is so low. The only trouble with that is that you won't notice that you are baking in a slow oven - here you know it and you tend to duck and cover. I guess I'll just have to spend a lovely summer down in the desert someday to see how cool it really is. Come to think about it, all the cowboys used to wear hats and vests, even in the summer. It must have been cooler. I do know that you have to wear heavy clothes up north even in the summer to protect you from the mosquitos. The mosquitos in Minnesota come out at night with flashlights looking for fresh blood. Here in the midwest we only have ticks who hang out in the shade of low bushes waiting for you to stumble through.

I suppose every place has its own problems to deal with and there is no perfect place to live. There may be a perfect place to live, but the folks there are keeping it a secret so the rest of us won't invade. Sip an iced tea, stay in the shade and look forward to the frigid, barren landscape of Winter - but be optimistic.

Saturday August 6, 2005 Golden Anniversaries

I guess I'm from another time, somehow transported into this space and time. This weekend my sister and her husband are celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. While reviewing family pictures, I came across announcements when my parents celebrated their golden wedding anniversary and when my grandparents celebrated their golden wedding anniversary.
I worked for the same company for over 30 years and lived in the same community all my life.
You used to make commitments to your mate, your family, your workplace and your community and then you followed through and gave them your loyalty. They all expected to do the same for you and the world was a safe and secure world.

I believed the scout motto - trustworthy, loyal, helpful, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverant. Great ideals to guide you through life.

Now we seem to live in a world of broken contracts. Everyone seems ready to break away at the slightest hint of misfortune or trouble. There is no loyalty, it's every person for themselves. Sue thy brother before he sues you. Don't trust anyone. Suspect everyone.

I liked the other world better. It's hard to be selfish. You have to surround yourself with walls and barriers to keep out the offenders and you find that you have built your own cage.

Perhaps that's why I enjoy going out into the mountains. The natural beauty and the timelessness inspire you. The pettiness of men and societies fades away when you become another rock on the mountain. You sit and observe the trees, sky, clouds, listen to the wind and the mountain stream. You breathe clean sweet air and let your untroubled mind wander.
Deep in the mountains, there is no polution, no lasting monuments to man's follies. Time, weather and the mountains eventually reclaim all items left behind.

I celebrate the good luck of those who survive these times and are able to share their lives with someone else without building cages. It seems to be a rare thing to happen these days.