November 1, 2005
Dad would have been 90 years old today. I still miss him, but I don't begrudge his passing away in the manner he did. He suffered a little pain at the end but it wasn't overwhelming and his end came quickly with his family about him. He did well living that long and left fond and loving memories. He had a good life.
I was looking back over my life to see if I had any regrets. I have been blessed with a loving family throughout my entire life and this has been a great comfort to me always.
I have felt sorrow for many years that my marriage didn't survive, but there were compensations that arose after the divorce that I wouldn't have suspected. I was able to quit playing roles and look into myself and find out what was really important to me. Career became less important than family. Because I was alone and free, I was able to start up a loving relationship with my younger brother that wouldn't have been possible otherwise. I was able to spend much more time with my sisters and became much closer to them. When I moved in to help the folks, I was able to develop a deep and meaningful friendship with mom and dad. We were able to lean on each other for support and love. It was a rare opportunity that wouldn't have been possible without the events that lead up to that time. I wouldn't have been able to take my camping trip around the United States if I had remained married. The divorce enabled me to really be free to know myself and to know my family members more than otherwise possible. As time passed I feel that my daughters and I have passed beyond the father/daughter relationship into a much deeper friendship. We are able to trust and share with each other as loving friends who really care.
In summary, even though things didn't turn out like I had planned, my life has been a success and I have great memories and am surrounded by loving and caring family. Who could ask for anything more?