Food is good.
No, I mean food is really good!
Throughout my life food has always been a reward. You were a good boy, have a cookie. Be good at the dentist and we'll get you a milkshake afterwards. Christmas is coming, have some candy. Easter is coming, have some candy. Halloween is coming, have some candy. Be good and you can have an ice cream cone. Her's some money to get some popcorn and candy at the show.
I learned my lesson well – I have excelled in all courses of food. There should be a degree is eatery – I would have my doctorate. I've been such a good boy that I reward myself way too often. It took a lot of time and money, but I've done well. I have eaten my way through life and have all this wonderful weight to show for it. I've always held to the principle that I would rather have a short enjoyable, delicious life than a long miserable, tastelss life. You only go around once in life – so reach for the gusto and the chips and the cookies and enjoy life, every golden crumb.
I suppose I would feel differently if I had been whipped or mistreated at each mealtime. I wasn't. Supper was a pleasant experience with the whole family sharing the moment after smelling the wonderful smells emanating from the kitchen just prior to supper. We had Sunday drives with the family and usually stopped and got an ice cream cone. Vacations were wonderful experiences of stopping in strange diners and eating prepared meals at the counter or cafe table. As we traveled we snacked on the local produce or locally prepared delicacy. Harvest time was canning time and we had apples and tomatoes and peaches and greenbeans coming out our ears. When the various fruit seasons came along, we always ended up with bountious quantities of oranges or strawberries or apples. We would get bushels and eat until we couldn't eat any more. It seemed to me, as a child, that mom spent most of her time in the kitchen preparing meals. Mom was sweet and kind and always had a smile and a treat for us.
When company came into town it was a time for special meals and dressing up the dining room table. With PTA or scouting or church activities there was always some kind of pot luck dinner or special cakes and cookies and pies. Summer was picnics in the park with deviled eggs and potatoe salad and hotdogs and soda pop.
As I was helping to raise my kids, we had an annual event where they could pick out the finest restaurant in town, get all dressed up, and choose anything on the menu. They looked forward with great anticipation to each year's choice.
So, here I am – a heavyweight. I've worked all my life to get here with great diligence and effort and great taste. I do envy many of you wonderfully thin people and your trim, athletic bodies, but that's not me. You see, I was born with a special tongue that loves every taste of everything that is put into my mouth. With a tongue like that, you have to keep feeding it. I am well along in my short enjoyable, delicious life now but hopefully there will still be some delicious new tastes to encounter and smells to enjoy.
Meanwhile, enjoy your long miserable, tasteless lives and think good thoughts of me.