Thursday March 31, 2005 An April Fool

I guess I'm an April fool. All winter long, I have been wishing the days away , waiting for the spring. I'm so very glad that spring is here and freezing weather is gone and green grass is starting to grow. The smell of spring is in the air and I'm really really ready for it. I suppose it's a case of cabin fever that overcomes me at the end of winter, but I've alway enjoyed the spring rains and budding trees and the clean sweet smell of spring. It's so nice to discard the heavy coats and warm clothing of winter and feel light an springy again.

Saturday March 26, 2005 Hanging loose

I waited a long time for spring and yet today, winter still lingers. It's grey and cold out there. But the good thing is that it's Saturday! YES! A grey cold Saturday! BOO!

Perhaps a good day to hang loose?
Actually, the phrase "hang loose" sounds like you are on the edge of danger. Does it mean that one false step and you will be left hanging? What is hanging tight? Sounds a bit like strangulation. Oh well, I intend to analyze and survey the meaning of "hang loose" all day long.

I hope you are hanging loose, too.

Friday March 25, 2005 When is it better to be a dog?

A very strange question, yet very true in some situations. In Terri Schiavo's case, the courts have determined that if she could have her druthers, she would choose not to be kept alive by artificial means. I firmly believe the same thing for myself. The only problem is that instead of offering the person a reasonable and painless way to relieve the misery, the only recourse allowed by society is to starve and/or let the person die of thirst. If a dog is suffering and cannot be made well, we put it to sleep humanely and without pain and suffering. Why can't we do the same for a human. At this point in Terri's life there is no hope for a future and all of society knows that the inevitable consequence is death and yet we will only allow her to pass away by knowingly depriving her of sustenance and relief - makes no sense. If and when such a time might occur in my life, I hope that there will be a pill offered that will alllow me to pass peacefully on without causing emotional trauma to my friends and relatives.

Maybe I can just go to the Vet's office for help?

Friday March 18, 2005 Almost Spring

Spring!
The word itself is light and airy. Think about it. Spring. It makes you want to move.
Spring is green and cool and smells of flowers and spring rains. The grass turns green and the trees bud and flowers bloom. Life renews and your whole attitude lightens up.

I’m really ready for spring! Aren’t we all ready for spring?.

It’s time to check out the lawnmower and rake the yard. It’s time to put away the heavy clothes and get out the light cooler springware. It’s a great time of the year.

Saturday March 12, 2005 Hospitals are a drag

Hospitals are a drag. They're full of sick people. It's not really a very nice place to visit. The patients are uncomfortable and the visitors are in the way. The nurses and all the other technicians are busy trying to keep some semblance of order in an ever changing world. It seems like a bad place to take someone who is trying to get well. It is very hard to isolate yourself from all the hacking and wheezing and coughing going on.

Whatever happened to the good old days when you could stay home and be sick in your own bed and the kindly doctor would stop by and medicate you? You were surrounded by those who really loved you and cared about you. It had to be better for your mental health. I guess there aren't enough doctors to go around now. You could sure save a lot on hospital bills.

Friday March 4, 2005 Dad

My dad has always been my hero.

He is the one who instilled the sense of personal and family pride in me. He set the example for me in how a man should shoulder responsibility through his manner and through his works.

When mom got cancer and struggled with life over the next 16 years while slowly withering away, my father was a tower of strength and caring. He waited on mom and saw to her needs till the very end. He slept in her hospital room for days when she was really ailing. He was her guardian angel. They were married for 60 years and I have no doubt that he loved her every day of those 60 years.

Dad carried on after mom passed away. She was one of the reasons for him to continue and when she left him behind, I’m sure he questioned what there was left to do. He turned to his children and has shared his love and strength with all of us. He ties our family together.

Dad is now 89 and his health is slowly failing and he doesn’t have the strength to do many of the simple things in life. Parts of your body quit before the body as a whole and you notice. His vision is failing and his strength has dwindled and his balance isn’t what it was. His mind is still sharp, but sometimes he can’t catch a quick thought like he could.

Dad is in the hospital today and I’m hoping that they can help restore some quality to his life. A man like him deserves to retain his dignity and have some quality of life to carry forward.

Thursday March 3, 2005 Consumer Tax?

Let’s think about this "consumption" tax for a minute.

Supposedly, we would eliminate many of the other taxes and only tax items which we buy.

When a person making $20,000 a year spends every cent on consumables, he will be taxed completely and when a person making $200,000 a year spends only 40% of his income on consumables and saves or invests the rest, he will be taxed on 40% of his income. Sounds fair, doesn’t it? It would lend itself to the faster accumulation of wealth by those already wealthy and faster debt problems for the poor.

So, maybe we can structure it with loopholes to allow people with lower incomes to get some kind of rebate. That will force most of the tax on the middle-income taxpayer. I don’t see any relief there, but it would start the special interest loophole legislation that dominates our tax laws now.

We all know that the Social Security problem could be forestalled for another 50 years if we just extend the current tax to "all" income. Of course the people with higher incomes don’t like the sound of that, but they will be putting in the same percentage of income that the poorer people do and they will be getting more retirement income out when they retire (sounds fair to me).

I’m a firm believer in a flat tax on all income above a certain poverty level. We would need to exempt the first say $25,000 and then pay 15% or 20% on all income above that level (with no exceptions). We would stop rewarding people for having kids. We would stop tax exemption loopholes. It would take 5 minutes to figure your taxes. We could stop playing games with the federal tax code. In times of real emergency, we could raise the tax to cover the cost.

Maybe we could even balance the budget. Of course we would need to somehow stop the special interests from buying congressmen, senators and presidents.

That will never happen.

Wednesday March 2, 2005 Democratic musings on a sunny day

I guess the Republican solution to the Social Security and Medicare looming problems is to cut the taxes on the rich, drive up federal spending by privatizing government support services and issuing non-bid contracts to their friends and supporters, and let each poor soul buy whatever services he can afford.

Once the Social Security system is in the hands of the brokers and insurance companies, we will all be much better off (just ask the British about their private investment retirement plan).

Have you noticed how well the defense manufacturers are doing while we have kept this war dragging on? When we have no decent enemies left, we seem to create new little ones to pick on. This constant defense against real or imaginary foes keeps the armament manufacturers quite happy. Now we have the nouveau security defense companies coming into the lineup for their portion of the largesse due to the Homeland Security contracts being issued.

Years ago we, in the construction business, always marveled at the contracts awarded by the military at the end of the fiscal year – just to finish off any monies left over from their budget. If it could be painted or replaced it was, no matter that it had just been done the preceding year. They had to use up the budgeted money or their budget would be decreased the next year. Now that much of the support service is being let out to private corporations, that is likely to escalate.

Now that we are spending very much more than we are taking in, without attempting to curb the costs of the supply side corporations for armaments, health care, drug costs, and energy suppliers, we will need to either cut back on services to the public or raise taxes on the poor or extend the retirement age or even extend the social security taxed income to all income. Or we could stop making wars and save a bundle. Maybe we could tell Europe “It’s your turn to keep the peace.”. We could ally ourselves with all the North American and South American countries and build our own economy here without Europe or Asia. Once we found alternative fuels instead of oil, we could tell the middle east to keep their oil and go back to tending their flocks.

Or not. Sometimes it’s nice to dream.
Let's pretend that the rich aren't getting richer and the poor aren't getting poorer.
We don't really need a Robin Hood, do we?

March winds will bring April showers which will bring? 

Sunday February 27, 2005 Almost March

It's almost March.

March is the beginning of Spring. March is blustery, but can be sunny and warm. March is going to the park and flying kites. You may need to wear gloves, but it is so good to get out. The grass is just turning from brown to green and later in March the trees will bud. You smell the crisp cool air and it has a scent of left over soggy fall leaves, but also a beginning scent of newness.

I remember, as a young boy, flying kites with my dad. I remember, as a young man, flying kites with my daughters. I remember flying kites at the seashore. You launch the kite and you feel it tug on the string in its efforts to go with the wind.

I suppose that is my feeling about March - spring winds, outdoors, and freedom.

Friday February 25, 2005 Why the foul language?

I was in the construction business for over 40 years and dealt with all the trades who help to build buildings and shopping centers and schools and banks. My particular specialty was in the structural steel framing end of the business. I dealt with a lot of ironworkers over the years. These men put up with freezing temperatures, hot burning sun, slippery wet steel, mud, danger at all times, aches and pains and strained muscles. These men had great pride and endurance. And yet for all the troubles they put up with, they very seldom had to resort to the foul language that now is permeating our society. After visiting hundreds of jobsites and working with thousands of tradesmen, I can probably count on my fingers the number of times when the men have resorted to swearing. Their containment of their frustration and anger at times is admirable.

This is why it really bothers me to hear the “f” word or the “s” word or all the foul language bandied about in the movies and games and music and comedies that surround us now. I suppose it is put there to titillate us, but it really demeans us. If you can’t find the proper words to express your anger or frustration, you can always try to shock others by cursing, but it only tends to lower your esteem in the eyes of others.

Thursday February 24, 2005 Blogmind

I keep putting my thoughts out there on this blog.

Is there a blog space?
What happens to this blog after I stop posting thoughts?
Will this blog continue after I have passed away?
Do my thoughts continue to randomly appear in blogspace forever?

Maybe we have all contributed random thoughts that will coalesce into a blogmind that will continue long after we have gone.

Where do thoughts come from?
Where do they go after they have been created?

If we have created a new consciousness in blogspace, I hope it is able to distinguish the intelligent thoughts from the rest.

Tuesday February 22, 2005

Gray skies just waiting for spring. Just one more month of winter. I don't like to wish my life away, but it's hard to get enthused about this kind of weather and the gray dreariness. Here in Kansas City, our weather jumps up and down a lot during Winter. One day its warm and sunny and the next day its cold and dreary. You can't really get adjusted to the weather at all. At least in summer, it is always hot and muggy here and you can get adjusted to it. I haven't decided whether I prefer Spring or Fall - they both have their merits. I think I like Spring best because you have so much to look forward to, while in fall you know that Winter is just around the corner. I guess I'm like a big bear - hibernating through the cold, waiting for the sunshine.

Maybe I just need a good deep snow.

Thursday February 17, 2005 A Friend Passes

Fred was a friend and fraternity brother from my college days. He survives in my memory as he was then. The years have not diminished his memory. He was someone you could count on. He was loyal and true. He still has that half-smile on his face in my memory. He enjoyed life.

It's difficult when someone you knew and cared for leaves this world. The world loses some of its warmth and magic. Life goes on, but it's not quite the same.

All of us who knew Fred, even those from long ago, will miss him.

Tuesday February 15, 2005 Testament

I thought about the advent of blogging and what it means to me.

My blog is my way of saying who I am, where I’ve been, and what I’ve thought along the way. It’s the book I never wrote. It’s the song I never published. It’s the pictures and thoughts and ideas that have come my way during my adventures. It is my diary.

It is my testament that I leave behind telling the world that I was here.

We set out in life with a clean slate and grand hopes of making a difference in this world. Life has a way of tempering those hopes and we end up hoping that we have made a difference to at least a few people. Most of the world will not know or long remember that we were even here. We have left only minor ripples in the stream of life.

I have enjoyed the trip and have great memories that mean much to me, but I’m afraid they won’t mean much to anyone else. I leave my thoughts and memories in this blog for all to see and with the hope that someone will fleetingly pass by and smile at some of my remembrances.

Who could ask for more?

Monday February 14, 2005 Itneersting?

Aoccdrnig to a rscheeshhr at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by itslef but the wrod as a wlohe.

Itneersting, ins't it?

Friday February 11, 2005 Evil North Korea

Let's see, we called Iraq, Iran and North Korea "the axis of evil". We invaded Iraq.
We call North Korea a bastion of tyranny. Now North Korea breaks off talks with us. Surprise?
With our present government and their form of diplomacy, it's not surprising that Iran and North Korea want nuclear weapons. They must feel that they are in imminent danger.

Of course there is no danger as long as they don't possess weapons of mass destruction. We wouldn't invade another country without provocation, would we? I'm sure the rest of the world feels safe and secure with our compassionate, level headed leadership. We only want to help them, whether or not they want help. The people will welcome us if we rescue them from their evil oppressors, just like they did in Iraq. I'm sure we will think things through much better next time and even have an exit policy.

Besides, that's what an army's for - isn't it?

Wednesday February 9, 2005 Communicating

The words we say or write to express our own personal thoughts aren't always heard but can, on occasion, reach out and touch the hearts of others. At those times of communication, we can feel the empathy. We are all human and we all have our moments of love and anger and anguish and joy. To share those moments with another being gives a feeling of belonging.

It's important to know that others share our feelings. It's important to know that we are not alone during our trials and tribulations. Life is made to be shared. We are all social beings and find it very difficult to function without some contact with others. Life in solitary confinement without ever touching others would be unendurable agony.

I am thankful for all those people who have shared a portion of their life with me. They have given me joy and made my life memorable.

Tuesday February 8, 2005 attitude

I guess it's all in your attitude toward winter. Here in Missouri, there is a tendency to button down the hatches and wait for spring once winter arrives. We seem to gravitate toward indoor activities and stay away from outdoor activities. We don't hirbernate, but we do stay inside.

My cousin and her husband, from Minnesota, came through town the other day. They were on a winter vacation traveling south and then returning home. They were actually driving cross country during the winter and enjoying it. When I asked if the weather bothered them, they looked at me strangely and said - "Once they opened the highways, it was okay". They had no qualms about traveling during snow and ice, that's just part of winter and they seem to enjoy all seasons. Once winter arrives in Minnesota, it stays all winter and it gets brutal. They just adjust their attitude and go ice fishing or skating or snowmobiling. They really seem to enjoy winter just as much as any other season.

I'm going to have to investigate this.

Monday February 7, 2005 Family

No matter where you go or what you do, your family is with you. They helped mold you to be the person you are. Their values and views have become integrated into your person.

We share our lives with many people over the years. Friends and neighbors come and go, but family always remains. Fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, children, aunts, uncles and cousins are part of our support group. They are on your side, no matter what. It's comforting to know that you have their unconditional love and support. There is no catastrophe so bad that they won't be there to give you comfort.

We have much love in our family. It helps.

Sunday February 6, 2005 Super Sunday?

I remember the first super bowl.

No one really cared much, they thought it was kind of a gimmick. Bowl games were for college teams. Most people cared about professional football like we now care about indoor football. The only people who really cared about pro teams were the die hard fans in the cities that had teams. I remember the TV people interviewing people about the upcoming super bowl game and their surprised reactions. What's a super bowl?

Well, now the hype and the networks and the news media have taken over and to many people, this is the ultimate game. The old time football players used to be college football players who didn't want to grow up yet. They wanted to keep on playing games for a few more years before they settled down and got a job. They were rough and tumble guys out for a good time. It wasn't a profession, it was a GAME.

Times have changed and attitudes have changed and the game has become entertainment and all the changes aren't necessarily for the best.

Saturday February 5, 2005 sunny and warm

Good news and bad news.
The good news is that it's a great day, warm and sunny.
The bad news is that it's still the middle of winter.

These kind of days make you think of picnics and flying kites and walks in the park. Maybe you think about starting to work on the yard. You just want to get outside and breathe the fresh air. But the sad fact is that next week winter will return with the frigid cold and slush and grey skies. It wouldn't be so bad if winter just came and stayed the whole season. You would get adjusted and there would be sunny days of white shiny snow and ice skating and sledding and skiing. Here in the midwest we get a little of everything and not a lot of anything. Once it freezes, it thaws. Once the snow melts, it snows. We get a lot of mud and slush. You really need all-weather tires and all-weather clothes.

The good news will last for the day and make me think of spring. It won't be long now.

Thursday February 3, 2005 Living in the REAL world

CNN was interviewing a retired couple. They commented that George doesn't live in the real world. I got to thinking about that.

He never had to work his way through school. I bet he never had an after school job while he was in high school. He never had to search for a job at all. Jobs and positions were thrust at him. He never had to worry about keeping an old car running or getting fired from a job if he was late. He never had to worry about being able to pay all the bills. I'll bet neither he nor Laura ever have to go to the grocery store or do their own laundry or cook their own food. I'll bet the “help” take care of everything down on the ranch. He gets to play at being a rancher when he visits.

He doesn't live in the real world – never has. He lives in George's world – always will. He will never really understand the average man's situation. He may try, but he really won't get it. Maybe that's why he is in favor of changing the medical system and changing the retirement system – he just doesn't look at things from our standpoint.

I hope people from the real world keep things under control.

February 2, 2005 Groundhog Inauguration

I suppose you could call today Social Insecurity Day.

What happened to the surplus we had just 4 years ago? We were going to give half of it back and still have some left over. I think the same accountants worked for Enron and Halliburton. Are they now working for Social Security?

Now I know that we had to respond to September 11 and I was in favor of going into Afghanistan, but I was very doubtful about the reasons for attacking Iraq. I figured that others knew more than I did and once they found the weapons of mass destruction it would justify all the killing and mayhem. What happened to the weapons of mass destruction mentioned just 3 years ago?

Now we're being told that somebody has a surefire answer to solving future problems with social security. Forgive me if I'm a bit sceptical.

These are the same people who don't believe in global warming even though the poles are melting. These are the same people who still haven't found the terrorist who killed so many of our people. Osama still taunts the most powerful nation in the world and gets away with it.

Their predictions and their conclusions seem to be as accurate as the groundhog's.

Tuesday February 1, 2005 campfires

Everyone stares into a campfire.

It's hypnotic. It's fascinating. It's restful.

You just sit there and watch the flames lick around each piece of wood and you watch the coals glow. Everybody seems to want to help by pushing in that half burnt piece of wood so it can be consumed. You find a fire-stick and poke the fire and then make sure your stick doesn't continue to burn by rubbing it in the earth. It's very difficult to get up and leave the light and warmth of the fire. When you leave the bubble of light, it seems suddenly dark and foreboding. You become closer to each of the people gathered around the fire and miss that close companionship when you finally have to leave and head off to bed. The smell of the fire lingers in the air and in your clothes.

It builds great memories.

Monday January 31, 2005 a day off

I took today off.

That's hard to do when you are retired. When you are retired, every day is like a holiday. Still, I took the day off - didn't do a darn thing. I was a lazy bum today and didn't even feel bad about it. I suppose that the feeling that you should accomplish something every day is a carry over from all those years of work. It's hard not to try to keep a list of things to do and try to get something done every day. It feels almost sinful to take a day off. It feels good.

I'll have to do this again someday.

Sunday January 30, 2005 Middle of winter

It's Sunday, and there is no football on TV. It's too cold for golf. It's brown and gray and cold - no great photos out there to take. I don't know what to do. We need a song for mid-winter blues. You know, something we can hum to make us feel better. Like April Showers helps in March and April. Maybe if there was snow on the ground, we could go out and play in the snow. Nah, we would just get cold and wet.

Oh well. At least it's Sunday and naps are good.

Maybe the sun will come out tomorrow.

Friday January 28, 2005 Thinking of mountains

Whenever I want to slip away from the worries of the world, I think of mountains. When you get up in the timeless mountains, away from cities and roads and people, you feel your presence in this life diminish and all the petty worries disappear. No matter what great accomplishments or destruction mankind does on this earth, the mountains survive and they bear witness to our passing. They were there long before we came and will be there long after we are gone. They, too, will eventually grow old and wear down but their time frame makes ours insignificant.

There is a peace and cleanliness in the mountains from forests and streams and blue skies and white clouds. I like to go there and become a rock. You just sit and become part of the landscape. Sometimes the wildlife will accept your presence and you will see them peacefully going about their business. It's a feeling that you never lose.

When the world becomes too much for you, think of mountains and breathe the mountain air.

January 27, 2005 I'm suspect

I'm suspect of people who won't admit a mistake. Now, I know that it's hard to do so, but we all know that we make a mistake now and then. Even the people with the best intentions will make mistakes. These mistakes for most of us don't amount to much and generally hurt only ourselves or our pride. When people in important positions who dictate life and death decisions for others make mistakes, the consequences are generally hard to live with, but that goes with the territory. It scares me when people in power, who have made a mistake, won't admit that their decision might have been wrong. To me, this means that the same type of mistake may be made again and again. It's only human to make a mistake and it's human to learn from our mistakes and try not to make the same mistake again.

Maybe we have decision makers who think they can't make mistakes - that's a mistake in itself.

Monday January 24, 2005 A Sunny Day

The sun came out this morning. It sure makes a difference in your attitude to look out on a sunny world instead of a dreary cloudy winter morning. It seems to remind you that Spring will return, eventually. Right now the grass is brown and the trees are bare and everything looks like it is dormant and waiting, but the sky is blue and the sun is shining and ther is a thought of Spring in my heart.

Sunday January 23, 2005 Family Day

Sunday has always been a day for family. Years ago, I would get together with my daughters and go to the zoo or a show. Later, my daughters would bring their boyfriends/husbands and we would go out exploring the back roads and eat breakfast out. We built some great memories together. As my parents got older, my sisters and brother and I would get together every Sunday with them. We became good friends with each other and our parents.

Time passes and people pass away or move away and the group has dwindled, but Sunday is still a day for family and reflection about times past.

Over the years, friends and fellow workers and neighbors come and go but you always have your family. It's a comforting thought on this family day.

January 22, 2005 NO THOUGHTS TODAY

I have no thoughts today. I must have lost my mind. I tried hard to find some unique and special revelation to put down on netpaper, but failed. Obviously, this must be blogger block. Maybe my mind took the weekend off.

More tomorrow, assuming my mind returns.

Friday January 21, 2005

I think I liked the world better when I was a child and didn't know what was going on. Back then, you weren't hammered with world news 24 hours a day. Your world and the important news was confined to the events directly around you. Whatever happened in the rest of the world you would find out about way after it had happened. You cared about your own weather, not the blizzards in Alaska or the hurricanes in Florida. They weren't concerned about your tornados. I miss those simpler days. Even now, you really can't do much about what is happening in other parts of the world - but since you know about it, you feel partially responsible for finding a solution. When you go on vacation, you spend one or two weeks without following the news and the world goes on without you. Maybe I just need to take a vacation from watching the news and just enjoy my little corner of the world for now.

Thursday January 20, 2005

Thursday January 20, 2005 Inauguration (coronation?) Day

Whoopee!

Four more years - of the same.

Maybe we can stretch this war out for four more years, or perhaps declare "mission accomplished" and start another one in Iran or Cuba.
Cuba may have weapons of mass destruction left over from the Bay of Pigs.

In any event, the sun will come out tomorrow. Tomorrow is just a day away.

Wednesday January 19, 2005

For those of you who don't like to think too far ahead -
Today is the first day of the rest of your week.

It's Wednesday (Wodens day - named for a scandanavian god)
I don't know how he got into the picture.

Have a good day.

Tuesday January 18, 2005

Okay, so I've been putting way too many pictures on my blog and not enough thoughts. It's just that I keep reviewing my photo albums and keep finding pictures that are so interesting to me that I feel others might like. I'll try to control myself and just put one or two at a time while sharing deep, philosophical thoughts about our place in the universe (or not!).

We all need to lighten up sometimes and let ourselves hang loose. Have a great day!

Monday January 17, 2005 A UNIQUE DAY

Today is somebody's day of birth. Today is somebody's day of death. This day, of all the days ever to be, is unique and special. There will never be another day exactly like this one. You can let this day slip away into the stream of unrecorded days, never to be remembered, or you can take note of just one memorable thing about this day to carry with you the rest of your life. That memory will make this day one to cherish.

If only we could all do that with each day of our lives.

Life is so sweet and slips away so fast.

Sunny Sunday January 16, 2005

Ahhhhhhh. Sunday morning at last! No alarms, no duties, sleep till you wake up and then just lie there and daydream in the peaceful quiet of another Sunday morning. I love Sunday mornings. There is no hurry and rush - no reason to jump up and get moving immediately if not sooner. No big list of things that must be done. A day of peace and reflection. It helps that today is sunny and the sky is blue - it really makes my day.

Saturday January 15, 2005

Yes!!! It's Saturday and we made it through another week. Have you noticed how long the days are in January. I suppose it's because we had so much time off in November and December. Now starts the long cold dark dreary winter days when we leave for work in the dark and return from work in the dark. Luckily, Saturday gives us a day to take a deep breath and enjoy the world around us. There IS sunlight out there. Today we get to do what we want to do when we want to do it - a real freedom. Enjoy today.

January 14, 2005 How cold is it?

How cold is it? No matter how cold it is where you are, there is always someplace else that is colder. No matter what cold story you have to tell, someone always has one to top yours. I guess the coldest it can get is absolute zero and even the sub-atomic particles shiver when it gets that cold. It sure feels cold where I am, but I know that one of you is probably much colder than me. That doesn't make me feel any warmer.

January 13, 2005 mid winter blues

It's hard, in the middle of winter, to think about spring breezes and summer winds. We tend to wrap ourselves in our blankets of misery and cold depression and mumble woeful sayings. Poor me, poor me! Well, the sun still shines and the stars are still bright at night and there is warmth by the fire and a crispness in the air. There is a wintry silence outside that seems to cloak the world in anticipation. It is a time to cleanse the soul and prepare for whatever comes next. Keep looking for the joy.

January 12, 2005 a winter's day

Yesterday someone said "I can’t wait till Spring". They really hate the winter and the gray and the cold. But in the process of discarding a whole season waiting for a better one, they are wishing away a good portion of their life. What if we did this with all of the undesirable moments in our lives? We could wish away many of the years of school and all the things we learned. We could wish away the hours of work and miss all the relationships that develop there. By the time we wished away all the supposedly bad times we wouldn’t have much left to enjoy. It’s better to look for the joy in each moment. There is some beauty in the world around us - just look for it. There is something to enjoy today - you just need to find it. Have a bright and cheery, lovely winter’s day.

January 11, 2005

For many years, I played the role of man, husband and father in accordance with what I thought I was supposed to do. Many of us act out our lives this way without really knowing ourselves and what we think.

With me, it was divorce and losing my home, my wife and daughters, my dogs, my "things" that brought me down to think what was really important in my life. I wasn't "things". It wasn't position or power. It wasn't money. I spent time in deep reflection finding out what wasn't important. After you've lost all that seemed important to you, you have to really think about what you really miss.

As the years go by, all the "things" you accumulated, all the money you piled up, all the great accomplishments you had don't really count for much. They were transient and lose their value quickly. It's the memories you carry and the people you have touched that really matter. You need to live each day to its fullest and bring joy and comfort to those around you. You give yourself to life and you get memories and love.

I lost a lot in order to find this out, but it changed my life. I stopped playing a role and became me.

January 10, 2005 additional thoughts

Photographs are captured moments of events that you passed through in your life. Those moments are frozen in time and looking at the photograph will take you back in time to that moment in your life. If you never look up to enjoy the trip, you will have no memories to look back upon. You will have no photographs to enjoy and share. My life has given me much to look back upon and I share a few of those moments with you.

January 10, 2005

Monday morning - what more can I say? Grainy days and Mondays always get me down. Grainy (gray and rainy). It's terrible to wish your life away and Mondays are 1/7 th of your entire life, so you need to find some way to make Mondays more enjoyable. Most of us wish that Mondays would just go away or at least lie dormant and let us just endure for a better day tomorrow. Maybe if we were allowed to just go to work or school for 1/2 day on Monday and ease into the week? Monday would seem more like a holiday. At least someone had the foresight to make Mondays the 3 day holidays when possible. Hang in there through another Monday and celebrate Tuesday morning once it comes.

January 9, 2005

There had been an argument and we went to bed in silence. Then, under the covers, your cold feet searched for and found my warm feet and I accepted. We embraced and all was right with the world once more. I stretched out to touch your feet again but they were gone. It had been a dream. I was awake and more alone that before. The memory of the dream lingered on.
Isn’t it strange what we dream? Past loves and events continue in our dreams although the details, places and timelines often get confused. In my dreams a marriage that ended long ago continues and former jobs and homes exist in a world of their own. I don’t mind. For the most part my dreams give me a feeling of continuity with my past, but they also touch my soul with lost hopes and aspirations.
The dream was sweet. I will savor it’s touch through the rest of the dark and lonely night.

January 8, 2005

Each season has it’s own particular beauty. The woods across the street from me appeared frozen and devoid of life. It looked like another dreary winter day. Five deer appeared on the edge of the woods and peacefully wandered up the hill grazing on the exposed tender branches at the edge of the woods. They seemed to be unaware of the cold and dreariness. Life goes on. Sometimes it’s the way we look at life that changes our attitude.

January 7, 2005

I counsel my friends and relatives to have no "if only’s" in their life. Each decision in your life leads you in a different direction. That decision may lead you in a different direction than you had planned but if you made the decision with some forethought, it will ultimately lead you to where you want to go. It is not the destination that is so important - rather it is the trip getting there that gives your life meaning. Enjoy the trip and observe what happens along the way - you will have great memories to look back on.

January 6, 2005

An icey morning. I see footprints in the grass left by some wandering soul during the night. The path of devastation leaves shards of broken frozen grass. Silence has taken over the world and each blade of grass and each branch of every tree is encased in a crystal casket from which no sound escapes. I wait for the sun and the return of warmth.